Philthy Pride

T.O.'s Offseason Approach is Odd

2010-02-19T03:24:00.000-08:00

You're an unrestricted free agent who spent last season in football hell - Buffalo. You'd think you would try and make the most of your offeason and prepare for next season, when hopefully you'll be with a team who actually has a QB and can contend for a playoff spot. Or maybe not. Myabe you want to a wear a lame wig and take your shirt off, exposing a cheesey gold necklace. And if you're gonna do it, you might want to find a designer who can make pants that don't look the sweats that the fat kid wore when you abused him in a rumble-fumble beatdown when you were 10 years old. (Via TMZ)

SILVER'S CORNER: Buffalo Bill Burgers - Eat Hard!

2010-02-10T04:57:00.000-08:00

Introducing Silver's Corner! Mike Silver - an aggressively disgruntled Chicagoan with very tiny feet - offers insights, observations and (occasionally) cooking tips to help you get through your miserable existence.

Hi there! Name's Silver, what's yours? Really? Well, I guess that could sound ok...with ...maybe a nice last name. Oh. In that case, maybe you have a nick name? You don't? Fancy that. Well, let's just move on...Seriously, that's your name? This isn't some horrible joke? How is your relationship with your parents? Yeah, I'd have the same. Enough about you, let me give you a quick introduction about myself and what you can look forward to reading in this section moving forward.

Height: 6'2" (1.87 meters for you blokes across the pond)
Weight: 192lbs (87.27 kilos - That's a lot of cocaine if I happened to be made out of cocaine!)
Temperature: Medium-rare
Likes: Whiskey, food (both eating and cooking), beer, old Royal Rumbles, hip-hop, FIFA (the video game, not the corrupt head of world football), sweatpants and torn hoodies
Dislikes: Fashion, flavored alcohols, new-age diets, small talk, smoking bans, high-pitched laughs, snakes (especially on planes), Adrian Brody
Sports Teams: Chicago White Sox, Chicago Bears, Chicago Blackhawks, Arsenal, and if you can teach me how cricket and/or rugby is played, you can select my allegiance for that particular sport
Full Disclosure: I have a beard

Now, the focus of this section has not been fully fleshed out - hell, it's barely been thought about - so what will follow is a thought dump (one of the more culturally accepted dumps) for whatever wacky theory, rant, recipe, thought or observation that pops into my head. Tread carefully my new found friends, things could get weird.

I will start this as I start most of my relationships: by bringing the sane, simple, and helpful Me. FYI, I wait for the crazy to start leaking out around date #2. Below is a great recipe that should help make you the star of any BBQ, back yard get together or intervention.

The Buffalo Bill
"Would you eat me? I'd eat me. I'd eat me hard!"

Ingredients
- 1lb ground buffalo
- 1 jalapeno
- 1 clove garlic (minced)
- 1/4 white onion (diced finely)
- 1 sprig Rosemary
- 1 tsp liquid smoke
- Pack of kaiser rolls (or really any of your favorite bun) - Toasted
- Sharp Cheddar cheese (can leave out if you want to stay a bit healthier)
- Salt and pepper
- 1 tomato

Preparation
First, you want to roast the jalapeno. To do this, use any open flame you have - grill, gas stove, blow torch, Olympic Torch - and place the jalapeno on top, turning every couple of minutes. You should get a nice char on the outside. Once roasted, dice the jalapeno, remembering to wash your hands THOROUGHLY after this. Especially if you have a date later that night. Trust me on that one. This roasting process should help lower the heat from the jalapeno, turning it into more of a assisting flavor and not over powering any other ingredient.

Next, mix the buffalo, diced jalapeno, garlic, onion, rosemary, liquid smoke, salt and pepper in a bowl. Let sit - the longer the better. If it will be sitting over night, refrigerate, but remember to bring back to room temperature before cooking.

Section the meat into 3 large - 4 small - patties and place on grill or grill pan over high heat. Cooking times will depend on heat of the grill/stove, but 4 minutes a side should suffice. If you must err, err on the side of less cooking time. Buffalo is an incredibly lean meat, meaning it can dry out very quickly. If you are adding cheese, place on patties after flipping.

Remove patties from grill and let rest on a plate for 2 minutes. Place patties on toasted buns, top with sliced tomato, and whatever topping you like - I'd suggest trying it without anything else as there are a lot of flavors going on already.

Serve along side some home-made chips (crisps) or if you're looking to keep it healthy, serve alongside grilled zucchini spears. Just slice a couple zucchinis into spears, drizzle with olive oil and season with sea salt and pepper. Place on grill until a good char is reached, but leaving a bit of crunch in the middle.

Consumption
Enjoy this great burger while watching Silence of the Lambs, while reading the biography of Buffalo Bill Cody, or while watching Scott Norwood blow Super Bowl XXV for the Bills. Try to finish your last bite just as Al Michaels screams, "No good! Wide right!". It's fun for the whole family. A lot more fun than when that event actually happened. Dad lost the Cadillac to a shady bookie and subsequently beat me with a large paddle. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HE WOULD MISS?!?! I WAS FIVE!!!

RAM JAM! Sixers Win 5 Straight, Ryan Howard's Got a Hot Date. And a song.

2010-02-10T04:00:00.000-08:00

JEFF CARTER'S BIGGEST FAN:

SIXERS:
- The Sixers scored 43 points in the 2nd quarter as they beat the Timbewolves 119-97 en route to their 5th win in a row. (Philly.com)

EAGLES:
- Eagles RB Brian Westrbook has no plans to retire. He also fully believes McNabb will be back under center for the Birds in 2010, despite rumors that Donovan is headed to Denver?!?! (Denver Examiner, Philly.com)

- Former Eagle WR Donte Stallworth got booted from the Browns, but he's already got a workout with another NFL team. . .the Detroit Lions. "Stallworth entered the NFL as a first-round draft pick in 2002 out of Tennessee. He was suspended for the entire 2009 season after pleading guilty to felony DUI manslaughter". (The Detroit News)

- Julius Peppers wants out of Carolina. Wouldn't it be great to see him line up on the Eagles D-Line?? (AP)

PHILLIES:
- Roy Halladay has a helluva work ethic. Dude's there every morning at 7am to get in his workout and prepare for the season. Hopefully this rubs off on the young arms and sets a precedent for the staff as a whole. (Daily News)

- The Detroit News takes a comprehensive look at the Phils and predicts they'll win the NL East again. Good stuff. Thanks, Detroit.

- Ryan Howard looks to have homered with Eagles Cheerleader Krystle Campbell. The two were hand-in-hand over Super Bowl weekend. Atta boy, Slugger. (Philly.com)

FLYERS:
- The Fly Guys look to complete a Home-and-Home sweep of the Devils tonight. Curious whether the Devils will look to get some revenge on Jeff Carter for his lights-out shoulder check on Anssi Salmela. (Atlantic City Press)

SONG OF THE DAY:

RAM JAM! Jeff Carter TKO, The Return of Stephen A. Smith, and a song.

2010-02-09T03:10:00.000-08:00

- The Flyers avoided a 3-game losing streak by beating the Devils 3-2 last night. They are now tied for 7th place in the Eastern Conference with 61 points. The real story of the night, though, was Jeff Carter's vicious shoulder check on Anssi Salmela. Salmela scores a goal, but he loses some teeth and breaks his nose in the process. Here's the video:

- Stephen A. Smith is back in town. In case you've forgotten, he's the loud mouthed shouter that used to write for the Inquirer and then went on to scream at people on ESPN for a while. Anyway, the Inquirer didn't want him back, and they were actually paying him NOT to write, but he sued and yadda yadda yadda. Here's why nobody likes the guy: He's just a little too self-important...

One thing you have to respect about Stephen A. Smith, though, is that he doesn't mind sparking fights and giving people in the press and on radio shows lots to talk about. Like, in this article from The Inquirer, he says the Sixers should just throw their season in hopes of getting a top draft pick.

- NO, the Phillies did not sign those Japanese pitchers.

SONG FOR THE DAY:

WHACKY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY

2010-02-08T03:45:00.000-08:00

Because foreigners are strange and unpredictable. . .

This from Japan: Shave Your Baby! Dude, those are some hairy ankles. WTF is wrong with these people?!?!

Former Eagle Hank Baskett Botches Big Play

2010-02-08T02:32:00.001-08:00

Hank Baskett, the former Eagles receiver and current Colts special teamer, muffed an onside kick to open the second half. In doing so, he set up a go-ahead TD drive for the Saints, and he made Sean Payton look like genius. See the video below.

Oddly, Baskett has had great success as a special teamer. In 2007 he was named Special Teams MVP by his philly teammates.

TUBA PLAYERS ARE SEXY: TEN QUESTIONS WITH JOHN "STONE HANDS" SLAMSBURG

2010-02-05T06:12:00.000-08:00

1.) You are a Tasty-Kake loving Philadelphia Phillies fan, but your wife and two kids are all New York Yankees fans. What was it like inside your home during the World Series?
It was horrible. To watch the Phillies fall apart as my family glorified in their ineptitude brought my mind to the precipice of insanity.
What's worse is that my wife, who banged pots out the window when the Phillies won the 2008 series, proudly sat quietly next to me as I watched Howard fail over and over and over and over and over. This year, she danced the silent dance alone.

2.) Describe David Akers in one word:
Sublime.
3.) Will Donovan McNabb be quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles next season?
I'm going to go with Coach on this one - Yes. Seriously - having two 1st string QB's plus Kolb? Who wouldn't want that, except maybe PETA?

4.) You played the tuba in the University of Richmond pep band. In the pep band hierarchy, which musician gets more props: the tuba player or the slide trombone player? And which one gets more ladies?
Seriously, you need to ask? Tuba on both counts. If by Props you meant taunted mercilessly by everyone at every single sporting event, and if by Ladies you mean rocks thrown at you during the Hanover Halloween parade.

I did get my rear-end grabbed by another school's majorette, which was cool and almost made up for the "TOOOOOOO BAAAAAAA" chants at football games. Besides, Trombonists were called Boners - try to live that one down as a high school freshman. And no, Band Camp is not like that at all.

5.) What do you think of the Roy Halladay / Cliff Lee trade?
So we still have one near automatic 9-inning pitcher. Great. What do we do about the other 3 games?

6.) If you had a novelty license plate, what would it say? RAUL

7.) Your mates from your championship winning English soccer team call you "Stone Hands Ramsburg". Please explain.
I was the token American goal keeper for our 3peat championship football team. I think they were more excited about someone who actually preferred staying in goal than anything else. They called my "The Hands" or John "The Cat" or my favorite - "How the F*@#&! Hell did you let that through? For Christ's sake!"

As for "Stone Hands" I think you are confusing nicknames with my other football career, as the 5th string TE for the MNHS Tigers. I recall being called the "slowest *%^!( on the field, and that I should stick to blocking." That is about the same time I joined the marching band.

8.) It appears your male offspring is developing into a left-handed thrower. This is a commodity. How will you help him capitalize on this? Are you prepared to tape his right arm to his side and force him to throw 50 baseballs through a tire each day?
To be perfectly honest, I think I'll be the one asking him to take a break so he can eat. The kid loves balls. We play baseball, basketball, football, and soccer for about 90% of play time. He can already whip a ball across the room, and was batting about a .190 over the summer. He drop kicks, place kicks, and passes. He loves scoring goals in our makeshift net, even asking me to be the "goa keepa".

He stands up for Arsenal, sings the Eagles fight song, and would body check his friend Chase into the boards if we let him watch Hockey. So Yes, but I wouldn't have too. I just hope he has this much fun when he's 12, 22, or 32.

9.) What was your most meaningful moment in sports, either as a fan or player?
I was "traded" from the best little league team to the worst one year - the other team needed players. The next game was against my old team, and I caught what would have been the first home run of the game - just yanked that line drive right out of the air at the fence. Vindication felt great.

10.) If you could be any Philadelphia sports star (athlete, coach, personality), who would it be and why?
Merill Reese. Hands down the best announcer. EVER.

BONUS QUESTION: If you could choose a theme song for yourself, what would it be?

Why Does Trouble Follow Michael Irvin Everywhere He Goes?

2010-02-05T04:35:00.000-08:00

...Because he's an ASSHOLE! Now he's being accused of rape. I find it amazing that this guy is not only employed with a job where he flashes his phony grin on the TV screen every Sunday, but he's also a Hall of Fame member. Have people forgotten who this prick is? Let me remind you, he is an attempted murderer. It's one thing to get mad at another dude on your team, but it's something a lot darkere - criminal, even - when you stab that person in the neck and tried to kill him. But of course Irvin was on the Cowboys, and Jerry Jones just swept that one right under the rug. But that's just one incident in a long string of allegations and legal nightmares. Read more (from his wikipedia page) below, and ask yourself, how does so much misfortune fall in one guy's lap? The answer? He's a lying, self-serving, manipulative scumbag. And he was a Cowboy. I wish I could have been there when his career ended.

1996 arrest
In March 1996, Irvin was arrested on charges of cocaine possession at a hotel party celebrating his 30th birthday. After numerous court appearances amid a national media circus, which featured Irvin showing up to court in a full-length mink coat, he pled no contest to the charges and was sentenced to community service, ordered to pay a $10,000 fine, and put on 4-years probation. When drug-tested for illicit drugs, he tested negative. But the NFL suspended Irvin for the first five games of the 1996 season. In Irvin's 1996 absence, the Cowboys struggled out of the gate and never recovered. Upon his return from suspension, Irvin tallied 962 receiving yards in only 11 games.
[edit]

1998 alleged assault
In 1998 Irvin was alleged to be involved in a bizarre incident during training camp when he allegedly inflicted a two-inch cut in the neck of Dallas guard Everett McIver while some team members were getting haircuts.[7] Whether it was battery or accidental McIver did not press charges, and rumors swirled that Irvin brokered a six-figure settlement with McIver to drop the matter. Accounts of this incident after the alleged settlement became difficult to find or research in the local Dallas press.[8]

[edit] False sexual assault allegation
Irvin sustained further damage to his reputation in 1996 when controversy reared its head again as the Cowboys prepared to play the Carolina Panthers for their NFC Divisional Playoff game. Media reports stated that Irvin and teammate Erik Williams had sexually assaulted a Dallas woman, Nina Shahravan, and, with a gun to her head, videotaped the interaction.
Despite Williams' and Irvin's denials of the allegations, the story overshadowed the game, which the Cowboys lost. The accuser was later proven to have fabricated the entire incident. She recanted her story, pled guilty to perjury and filing a false police report and was sentenced to 90 days in prison and a fine. In the first quarter of the playoff game with Carolina, with Shahravan's allegations under active investigation by Dallas police, Irvin suffered a broken collarbone, ending his 1996 season.

[edit] Arrests since retirement

A year following his retirement from the NFL, Irvin again was arrested on drug possession charges.[9] In this case, Irvin was in a Dallas apartment with an unrelated woman. Neither answered the door when police drug task force agents arrived with a search warrant. Police entered the apartment forcibly, finding drugs. Irvin and the female were placed under arrest, though charges against Irvin were later dropped.

The promises of a new lifestyle in broadcasting appeared to be short-lived, with Irvin again arrested. In this instance Irvin was pulled over in

Plano, Texas for speeding on November 25, 2005. Irvin was arrested on an outstanding warrant on an unpaid speeding ticket in Irving, Texas, but was also cited for misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia after police searched his car and found the marijuana pipe, and plastic bags with marijuana residue.[10] Irvin was arrested for a Class C misdemeanor. He was later released on bond, with ESPN spokesman Josh Krulewitz saying only that: "We are reviewing the facts of the situation and have no comment at this time."

Two days after his arrest, Irvin appeared on ESPN's "Sunday NFL Countdown", as scheduled, on November 27, 2005. In his on-the-air comments that evening, he stated that he had taken the drug paraphernalia away from a longtime friend who was battling a drug addiction. Irvin told the

Associated Press he was trying to help someone close to him get off drugs and cares more about that than his chances of being inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. The next day Irvin said the pipe was in fact his brother's and he (Irvin) was going to throw it out but had forgotten to do so.

On December 1, 2005, however, ESPN suspended Irvin for the Sunday and Monday Night Countdown shows on December 4 and December 5, 2005.[11] He returned to both shows with no mention or consequence of the past incident.

RAM JAM! Amare Stoudemire a 76er? Plus Poo&Pee Toys!

2010-02-05T03:18:00.000-08:00

EAGLES
- McNabb believes Vick could help other teams. Then he went on Sports Center and tried his hand at the studio analyst thing. Read all his comments in this article from Les Bown of the The Daily News.

- Eagles hire former GM Phil Savage as their Draft Consultant. "Savage, 44, spent four years as senior vice president and general manager of the Cleveland Browns." (CSNPhilly.com). Great, we hired the brain child who built the NFL powerhouse known as the Cleveland Browns. /sad trombone. . .

PHILLIES
- The Phillies signed reliever Oscar Villarreal to a minor-league deal on Thursday. "Villarreal, who missed the entire 2009 season recovering from Tommy John surgery, will not be invited to spring training."

76ers:
- Would you trade Andre Iguodala and Sam Dalembert for Amare Stoudemire? Looks like the Suns are desperate to get a deal done.

FLYERS:
- The Flyers fail to land Ilya Kovalchuk. "The Ilya Kovalchuk Sweepstakes ended in Newark and not Philadelphia." (via CSN philly)

SONG LYRIC TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT: "Maybe, baby, I just wanna do you / do you wann do me, do me, underneath the moonlight?"

WHACKY FOREINGER OF THE DAY: Because foreigners are whacky and unpredictable
- A Swedish company is selling Pee & Poo Plush Toys! You can buy them online here at the official Pee&Poo website. I like the Pee&Poo combo duo myself.

SONG OF THE DAY:

THE FIVE BEST CLOSER ANTHEMS THAT WILL NEVER BE USED

2010-02-04T15:45:00.000-08:00

There's always a song that plays when the closer jogs in from the bullpen and takes his warm up throws from the mound. This song is usually hand-selected by the closer himself, and it's meant to serve as a form of motivation for the pitcher, and intimidation for the batter. It is, in effect, the closer's anthem. Who can forget "Wild Thing" playing every time Charlie Sheen's character took the mound in Major League? And, in real life, most baseball fans think of Mariano Rivera whenever they hear Enter Sadman by Metallica. For Phillies fans, this is particularly painful because it's the song that played just before MO closed out the World Series. It's a pretty intimdating song to hear come blasting out of a stadium's speakers. . .

The songs vary by pitcher. Our very own Brad Lidge chose "Soldiers" by Drowning Pool as his theme song during his brilliant 2008 campaign. The song is an homage to both our US service men and Lidge's love of metal. In 2009 he chose "No More Sorrow" by Linkin Park (which, frankly, sucks).

Jonathan Papplebon, Boston's steely eyed closer, chose "I'm Shipping Up To Boston" by the Dropkick Murphys for his entrance. This obviosuly keeps Boston's loyal Irish fanbase happy as hell.

Tom Gordon used to chug out to the mound while "The Flash Gordon Theme" by Queen blared throughout the stadium. (Flash! Ah-Ah! King of the impossible!). Jose Valverde used to strut out to "Big Poppa" by none other than the Notorious B-I-G. Now that's pretty badass. J.J. Putz made his entrance to AC/DC's "Thunderstruck". And big fat Eric Gagne used to enter to "Welcome To The Jungle". So you see, there's no real formula here. All pitchers try and pick a loud, intimidating song that will pump up both themselves as well as the fans.

I have a different theory.

Baseball, more than any other sport, is a mental game. It's a long season made up of long games and long traveling stretches. Much of a baseball player's time is spent inside of his own head - waiting in the dugout, waiting in between pitches, waiting in between innings, waiting for planes, waiting for a ball to get their way. All this waiting leads to thinking, and thinking is the death of any major leaguer. The more you think, the worse you are. Baseball, of course, is the only sport to have something known as the "Steve Blass Disease", whereby "talented players inexplicably and permanently seem to lose their ability to accurately throw a baseball" (via wikipedia).

So yeah, my theory is that closer's should try their damndest to screw with batters' heads. And they should do this by selecting seemingly strange entrance songs.

Reasoning: By now, all batters expect to hear something rageful like Enter Sandman or Thunderstruck, so they aren't phased when some sinister rock anthem echoes in their ears. The only way to really mess with his mind, then, is to surprise him with a non-traditional closer jam. So yeah, the wait is over. Here are the TOP TEN CLOSER SONGS (THAT WILL NEVER BE USED)

5.) Shiny Happy People by REM: Would you be able to concentrate after hearing Michael Stype blaring at full throttle amplification in a Major League Baseball stadium. The fans would have to be in on it - laughing, swaying and HOLDING FRIGGIN HANDS like psycho christians at one of those mega churches in Texas. And it would be doubly effective if the VERY awkward video played on the stadium's jumbotron. In 3 minutes the ambience would no longer be that of a baseball game, but rather that of a dorky early nineties keg party where guys were happy to wear big polka dot shirts and stupid floppy hats. Advantage, home team.

4.) Unskinny Bop by Poison: This song will creep out and confuse like none other. Imagine hearing this "Everytime I touch ya you get hot, I wanna make love you never stop!" and then looking up the mound and seeing K-Rod wink at you?? And then it just gets more confusing when you hear, "What's right? What's wrong? What's left? What the hell is going on?". Hade enough Unskinny Bop, Mr Batter? Okay, now here's a 95mph thrown right at your head. TAKE THAT!

3.) Wipe Out by The Surfaris: I dare you to listen that song. Now try and get it out of your head. You can't, can you? Now try hitting a slider. *Optional: Pitcher does Pee-Wee Herman dance in between warm up tosses.

2.) Jesus Is a Friend of Mine by Sonseed: This needs no explanation. . .

1.) International Delight by Wayne Brady: The batter will be too busy trying to understand if that was really a Wayne Brady commercial that he just heard - and, if it was, (which it WAS) he will be so baffled by the absurdity that he won't be able to touch bat to ball. Not even just the tip? No, not even the tip.

McNabb & T.O. MAKE PEACE

2010-02-04T09:56:00.000-08:00

- Super Bowl week and all eyes are on two guys who failed to win the big game together. The Big Lead reports that Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens made peace last night at a party thrown by Shaq. Amazing that these guys are still relevant in the soap opera dramedy of the modern sports world. I wonder what words were actually exchanged behind the blockade of bodyguards. Guess we'll never know.

RAM JAM! Phillies. Eagles. Sixers. Flyers. And a song.

2010-02-04T01:49:00.001-08:00

THE CORE FOUR

EAGLES:
- Dick Jauron has been a head coach and a defensive coordinator in the NFL. Now he's just a D-Backs coach. Still, Dick says he's happy to be on the squad.

- Brian Dawkins and Rich Gannon weigh in on the state of the Eagles offense, Donovan's future , and running the football. Kind of nice to hear B-Dawk say, "Run the ball. With that passing attack, the way that thing is shaping up to be, go ahead and bring Donovan [McNabb] back to where he's supposed to be, and run that pill and let those weapons outside go to work." (via Inquirer)

PHILLIES:
- The Phillies reached agreement with four pitching prospects: Righthanders David Herndon, J.C. Ramirez and Drew Naylor and lefthander Mike Zagurski. They also signed outfielder Freddie Guzman. "Guzman, 29, spent last season with the Triple A affiliates of Baltimore, Seattle, Boston and the New York Yankees. In 101 games, he hit .223 with two homers and 17 RBI but stole 45 bases in 54 attempts. A switch-hitter, he has spent parts of four seasons in the big leagues with a .211 average in 47 games." (via Philly Daily News)

- Check out Salisbury's State of the Phillies: Second Base at CSNPhilly.com. Great piece on Utley and the (dearth of) prospects waiting in the wings. And did you ever think of Utley as first-baseman? Apparently it could happen.

- The Good Phight has been breaking down the Phillies top 30 prospects over the past couple of weeks. Read about prospects #20 - #11 online today. Notable in the #20 - #11 list: Jonathan Singleton, Brody Colvin and Scott Mathieson. I love the taks on Mathieson:
Now here's a guy who's easy to root for. After two Tommy John surgeries, Mathieson has made a remarkable recovery and is now knocking on the door of the majors. A Top 10 prospect for the organization from 2004 through 2006 as a starter, Mathieson has re-invented himself as a fireballing reliever, and he cruised through three levels in 2009 (32.1 IP, 9.5 K/9, 3.3 BB/9, 0.28 HR/9, and a 2.61 FIP between the GCL, Clearwater, and Reading) before turning heads at the Arizona Fall League by flashing closer-quality stuff while whiffing 15 in 12.2 innings. He's down here, and not in the Top 10, because some caution is necessary -- he's still an injury risk, and he's yet to show that he can pitch on back-to-back days. The Phillies would be wise to see how he responds to that in Lehigh Valley before tossing him into the major league pen, so a midseason call up would be the most prudent course of action.

FLYERS
- Not only did the Flyers lose to the worst team in the NHL last night, but the last-second, game winning goal was scored by an ex-Flyer. Painful stuff, man.

76ers
- Elton Brand had 26 points, 9 rebounds and 3 blocks in the Sixers' 106-103 overtime victory against the Bulls last night. Iverson did not play due to his child's illness.

RANDOM CONNECTIONS TO PHILLY:
- Episcopal Academy grad and Saints fullback Kyle Eckel is under scrutiny right now, as people are starting to ask: "Why is Eckel, who ran for 1,147 yard at Navy in 2004, playing in Super Bowl XLIV instead of fulfilling his military obligation in the U.S. Nay?" Read more in this article by Gregg Doyel at CBSSports.com

WHACKY FOREGINERS OF THE DAY: Because foreigners are strange and unpredictable
- England pop duo JEDWARD cover Ice-Ice Baby, and they even get a cameo from Mr. Vanilla himself. This is just too strange for words

SONG FOR THE DAY: Let's switch gears and enjoy a song that actually doesn't suck...

RAM JAM: Eagles Have a Busy Day - Dick Jauron, Mike Vick and New Punter Durant Brooks

2010-02-03T02:29:00.000-08:00

- The Eagles have hired Dick Jauron to replace Brian Stewart as Defensive Backs Coach. "Jauron and Eagles head coach Andy Reid are close friends and worked together on Mike Holmgren’s staff with the Packers in the mid-1990s...Jauron served as the Bills’ head coach from 2006 through Week 10 of this past season, going 24-33 before getting fired in November." First task to accomplish with the DB's - tackling. Can't win if you can't tackle, and it was a huge problem all year long. (via PhillyBurbs)

- Michael Vick to remain in Eagles green? "NFL Network's Michael Lombardi reported Tuesday night that the Eagles, suddenly, plan to keep quarterback Michael Vick. Lombardi says the Eagles feel as if they're "in a luxury position" with regard to their current quarterback group. They have Vick, probable future starter Kevin Kolb, and five-time Pro Bowler Donovan McNabb signed through 2010." (via profootballtalk.com)

- No more shankapotomus! In what seems to be a move to replace the incosistent Sav Rocca, the Eagles have signed punter Durant Brooks to a 2-year deal. Dude looks awesome. . .

- Schmidt and Morandini will be in Clearwater for Spring Ball. "Former Phillies Mike Schmidt and Mickey Morandini will return to Clearwater, Fla., as guest instructors for the Phils in spring training this year, the team announced yesterday." (via Inquirer)

THIS GUY SUCKS: Check out this video of a high-school volleyball coach pegging one of his players in the head with a ball. Guy deserves a beat down. At least he issued an apology.

- SONG FOR THE DAY:

RAM JAM! The Mike Vick Project, Tom Brookshier, and an Ode to Donovan McNabb

2010-02-02T02:09:00.000-08:00

- Michael Vick claims he is still a top 10 QB in NFL. And don't forget, tonight is the season premiere of The Michael Vick Project on the BET.

- Tom Brookshier, All-Pro Cornerback on the Eagles 1960 World Champion team, passed away at age 78. Hall of fame sportswriter Ray Didinger remembers the Eagles legend in this great article from CSN Philly.

- Eagles President Joe Banner had some interesting comments on the McNabb situation: "Here's the reality on that," Banner said. "It sounds evasive, but it isn't. . . . We really have not had the meeting to start figuring this stuff out. Obviously we have to do that. . . . Obviously we have to make a decision on what we're going to do. But at this moment, I can tell you that we haven't even laid out a plan or sat down and even exchanged our different ideas or thoughts on that."

- Speaking of Don, here's an interesting "Ode to Donovan". I like the bluesy music and the stilted way the guy recites his satiric sports poetry:

- Ruben Amaro Jr defends the Cliff Lee trade and makes this bold statement: "We cannot be the New York Yankees," Amaro said. "We have to have people that we can bring to the big leagues from our system. The guys who are our core players are guys from our system." Okay, Ruben, we can't BE the Yankees, but we have to BEAT the Yankees.

- Placido Polanco is prepping himself for the shift from 2nd to 3rd base. Meanwhile, Pedro Feliz is catching up with some old friends in Houston.

SONG FOR THE DAY:

RAM JAM! Herschel Busts Skulls, Viva Bastardo, DeSean Pro Bowl, Horny Goat. And a song.

2010-02-01T02:17:00.000-08:00

- Former Philadelhpia Eagle Herschel Walker is victorious in his first MMA battle. Reread that sentence. Walker, who won the Heisman Trophy in 1982 and was an Olympian in 1992, won by TKO at 2:17 in the third round over Greg Nagy.

- Antonio Bastardo is having one helluva an off-season. Looks likely he'll be a regular face in the Phillies bullpen this season. Bastardo has pitched in 17 innings this postseason, allowing just four hits, three walks while striking out 26 for an ERA of 0.53.

- DeSean Jackson struts his stuff at the Pro Bowl and, as he did all season, outruns a handful of defenders for a 50+ yard TD.

- NFL announces 2000's all decade team. David Akers is the only current Eagle to make the squad, but former Eagles Brian Dawkins and Terrel Owens made the roster as well.

- Kevin Kolb wants his chance to start at QB. "I want to be a starter in the NFL," Kolb told the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. "That's my No. 1 goal right now. I want that opportunity. But I'm going to be a team player. I trust (coach) Andy (Reid). I trust his decisions and his ability to see what's in the future and plan out my career the right way. Hopefully, we'll do those things to get me on the field at some point, not knowing when it's going to be."

- Andre Miller, formerly of the 76ers, scored 52 points in an OT win over the Dallas Mavericks this weekend. Meanwhile, the Sixers barely squeak by the lowly Nets. Remember, the Nets only have 4 WINS on the entire season.

RENEGADE ANIMAL OF THE DAY: A horny goat uses his head to smash in the door to a California strip club. Once inside the goat stares at himself in the mirror for a while, and then gets shooed away. Watch the video here.

SONG LYRICS TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT: "I haven't slept for two days / I've bathed in nothing but sweat / And I've made hallways scenes for things to regret "

SONG OF THE DAY:

RAM JAM! DeSean Wants Cash, Pervy Madrigals, Iverson vs. Kobe. And a song.

2010-01-29T02:24:00.000-08:00

Because I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

- DeSean Jackson says "SHOW ME THE MONEY!" League sources have informed CSN’s Derrick Gunn that Jackson’s agent Drew Rosenhaus plans to approach the Eagles in hopes of negotiating a four- or five-year extension for his client. The guys at The 700 Level do a nice job of breaking down the situation. Hopefully it all works out.

- Jackson, McNabb and their fellow NFC all-stars are set to play the Pro Bowl this Sunday. Here's the thing: Nobody cares. Deadspin does a great job of explaining why exactly the Pro Bowl is the "least relevant event on the sporting calendar."

- Jose Contreras says he's happy to do whatever it takes to help the Phillies get their 3rd world series in as many years. Ruben Amaro paraphrased nicely, "I think his quote was, 'I'd be willing to pick up bats if you need me to.'" Love it.

- Iverson or Kobe? That was the decision the 76ers had to make in 1996. John Smallwood of The Daily News takes a look at the decision and what could have been.

- Who are the TOP 5 Quarterbacks of ALL TIME? TE George Wrighster weighs in at Yardbarker. Good starting point for discusison, but not sure I agree with the rankings. That'll be a whole other post.

- The Broncos will trade Brandon Marshall, says the Denver Post. Question is, where will he go?

WHACKY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY: This English madrigal expert seems to get too much pleasure out of saying "double entendre" in the correct French pronunciation. Charming little song, but pervy when you think about what the turd in sweater vest said.

SONG LYRIC TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT: "We were a strok of luck. We were a gold mine. They gutted us."

SONG FOR THE DAY:

RAM JAM! McNabb wants to stay, Dr. Chapstick, Pillow Brides. And a song.

2010-01-28T02:43:00.000-08:00

Because I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

- Donovan McNabb says he will be in Philadelphia next season. Not only that, he wants to be in Philadelphia. In his own words, "I believe in starting somewhere and finishing what you started and my goal is to win a Super Bowl and bring it back to Philadelphia because I think they deserve it. We've given them some great years, but we just haven't been able to finish and I think good things are going to happen pretty soon."

- Despite what McNabb says, DeSean Jackson knows the Eagles brass have a "huge decision" to make at QB. Don't take it the wrong way, DeSean loves him some McNabb: "We have a great relationship. Didn't you see us out there? We're good man. Just know that."

- In what will no doubt be a huge sub-plot in the "will-he-stay-or-will-he-go" debate regarding Donovan McNabb, Kurt Warner is set to announce his plans for next season tomorrow. If he's retiring, the rumors about McNabb wearing a Cards jersey will start immediately.

- In other Eagles QB news, it seems as if the Rams are taking a serious look at Mike Vick. He won't be the starter in Philly next year, and it's doubtful Jeff Lurie will pick up Vick's $5million option.

- Phillies pitching prospect Philippe Aumont was in town yesterday. The team is excited about this guy. He's 6-7, 225 pounds with a fastball that hit 97 mph in the Arizona Fall League. Aumont discusses the comparisons to Drabek and his future wil the Phils in this article from the Inquirer.

- The guys from The 700 Level has a plan to stop the 76ers from sucking so bad.

- Remember when the 76ers were a proud franchise? I miss the Dr. Chaptsick days:

WHACKY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY: A stuttering Nigerian man who can't get a girlfriend announces plan to marry his pilllow.

SONG LYRIC TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT: "Fair Phyllis I saw sitting all alone, feeding her flock near to the mountainside!"

SONG FOR THE DAY:

RAM JAM! McNabb Got Jokes, Jim Thome in Minnesota. And a song.

2010-01-27T02:28:00.000-08:00

Because I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

- Donovan McNabb plays role of class-clown at NFC Prow Bowl team's first meeting, poking fun of Vernon Davis' hair and teasing Jason Witten about getting beat down by the Vikings in the playoffs.

- Will McNabb be wearing a Vikings jersey next season? Google seems to think so.

- At least one former Philadelphia superstar will be in Minnesota next year: Slugger Jim Thome agrees to terms with the Twins.

- Charlie Manuel discusses pitching changes, depth on the bench, and the World Series.

- All eyes on Tim Tebow at the Senior Bowl. Too bad for him, though, because nobody seems to be impressed. And where is Coach Reid during this important week of scouting? At home, due to inclement weather.

WHACKY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY: China is FINALLY going to ban the eating of cats and dogs. About time, eh?

SONG OF THE DAY:

RAM JAM! Manning Face, Favre, Russians. And a song.

2010-01-26T01:54:00.000-08:00

Because I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

- Manning Face. Need I say more?

- For the 4th time this season, the 76ers fail to win 3 in a row.

- McNabb and Romo to represent the NFC in the most meaningless Pro Bowl ever.

- Chase Utley is 31. "He has played in more than 155 games in three of the last four seasons, hiding hurts and real injuries." Sam Donnelon of the Daily News makes the case to give Chase some more rest this season.

- It's painful to watch this, because I know how it feels:

- Minnesota play-by-play duo call the Favre interception, and they are merciless. TAKE A KNEE! THIS IS NOT DETROIT, MAN. THIS IS THE SUPER BOWL!

- And the Favre speculation begins: Will he play another season? He needs to discuss it with his family, of course.

- Nancy Kerrigan is in the news again. Olympic skater Nancy Kerrigan's brother Mark Kerrigan is charged with one count of assault and battery with serious bodily injury in connection with the Sunday morning death in Stoneham, Massachusetts of the family’s 70-year-old father, Daniel.

- The Jets coaches and players applaud Mark Sanchez. "After [Sunday], I think he's potty-trained now," right tackle Damien Woody said of the rookie quarterback.

- WHACKY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY: Again, from Russia. . .

SONG LYRIC TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT: "I wear my garment so it shows. Now you know."

SONG FOR THE DAY:

RAM JAM! FOOTBALL, CHOOCH IS RICH, A BIG ASS CAKE. And a song.

2010-01-25T02:55:00.000-08:00

Because I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

Peton Manning and the Colts are headed to Super Bowl 44 in Miami. There they will meet the New Orleans Saints, who barely edged the Vikings in OT last night. The Jets and the Vikings go home losers. In the aftermath, Brett Favre's legacy has been called into question. Also, some Vikings fans (as losing fans always do) feel they got robbed. Here's the thing: You can't be robbed if you fumble the ball 6 times in 4 quarters of football. Also, your coach completely screwed you on the last drive. I agree that there were some shady calls, but truth is you never should have let it come down to that. You can't recover a muffed punt in the red zone and fail to score. That's not championship football.

The Phillies reward starting catcher Carlos Ruiz with a 3 year, $9 million extension. That puts an end to all players eligible for arbirtation. We got Big Joe, Victorino and Chooch all locked down for the forseeable future. Good news, right? Maybe not for fan favorite Jayson Werth.

Jimmie Rollins got married. And they ate a huge friggin' cake. That's 6 feet of sugar, ladies.

CRAZY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY: Russian computer hackers cause a traffic jam by streaming hard core porn on a Moscow billboard.

SONG LYRICS TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT: "I put a dollar in my pocket and I threw it away, been a long time since a federal dime made a jukebox sound like a mirror in my mind."

PRODUCT or MEAL that sounds like POOP PRANK or SEX POSITION: Today's product is The Jiffy Steamer!

SONG FOR THE DAY:

CHAMPIONSHIP WEEKEND BLITZ

2010-01-24T03:44:00.000-08:00

It all comes down to this: Four teams battling for the right to represent their conference at Super Bowl 44 in Miami. They will beat each other senseless in pursuit of the season's biggest game, of the league's crowning achievement. For some players, legacy is on the line. And for some teams, today's game offers them an opportunity to erase endless years of failure and humiliation. As Bill Simmons writes: "The Saints have never played in the Super Bowl. The Vikings have never won a Super Bowl, but have lost four of them. The Jets won Super Bowl III and haven't been back since. . .Throw in a New York market, the post-Katrina Saints, and two of the three biggest stars in football (Peyton Manning and Brett Favre), and if your deciding categories were "suffering," "tortured fan bases," "mainstream interest" and "historical significance," you couldn't pick a more fascinating final four." So yeah, there's a lot stake in today's matchups.

Intriguing as that all is, at day's end two teams will go home losers. We can write all we want about the importance of these games, and we can get ourselves in a frenzy of hysteric fandom - creating fight songs, etc - but there are no consolation prizes. You lose, you go home. There will be no next week. Just a quiet locker room and an awkard, abrupt ending to another season that could have been great.

As an Eagles fan, I know this all too well. I have been the guy who follows the sportswriters religiously in the weeks leading up to the NFC Championship game. I have been the fool who actually believes this year will be the year that Andy and Donovan prove their legitimacy - that we will WIN the game, and that the long suffering eagles fans will have another shot at the beguiling Lombardi trophy. And the result? More heartache, more longing. Nelson Algren once wrote of his beloved city: Loving Chicago is like loving a women with a broken nose. I think that's a perfect way to describe being an Eagles fan. Or a Vikings fan. Or a Jets fan. Or a Saints fan. Fans like us love teams despite their flaws. We see the subtle beauty in an otherwise homely appearance. We keep coming back to a relationship that consistently fails us, expect this time will be different. Well, that's plain insanity. But who said you need to be sane to be a fan?

I do not mean to discredit the Eagles' success over the past decade. We have been a consistent contender. Not many other teams have had 5 appearances in the conference title game over an 8 year span. But therein lies the problem: We've been to 5 title games in 8 years, and we only have 1 super bowl appearance to show for it. And we lost.

So what does that mean? It means that the NFL gods don't particularly care about your brand of long suffering fandom - whether that means getting consistently blue-balled in big games (Eagles, Vikings), or having just an atrocious team history of the past couple decades (Saints, Jets). You can work yourself into full-on apoplectic shock over these games, and at the end of the day the clock will run out and your team will either kneel in victory or stare on in disbelief. And if they lose, what will you have to show for it? A stupid jersey you want to burn and a stomach full of pork products, peanuts and (probably) beer.

Here's what years of being let down has taught me: Don't expect miracles, great players play great in big games, you can't win if you can't run the football, and defense makes all the difference.

With that in mind, here are your realistic picks for Championship Sunday...

COLTS 28 - JETS 6

The jets are a great Cinderella story, but they are going to get beat down today. I love Rex Ryan, and I love Darelle Reevis, but the fact of the matter is that they simply won't be able to keep up with Indy's offense. The Jets are an old-school team with a great running game and a first-rate defense. They are a pain in the ass team to beat because they will punch you in the mouth and keep punching until your jaw is hanging on by a single piece of cartilage. But, and this is a big BUT, Mark Sanchez is not an elite passer. In fact, some say he's worse than Jamarcus Russel. I know I just said you have to be able to run the football to win - and that's true because you have to be able to control the clock - but you also have to be able to get quick strike TDs when you play against a team like Indy. Because with Peyton Manning behind center, the Colts will score. Whether he's throwing to Dallas Clark or Reggie Wayne or some unheard of fullback from the practice squad, he will find the one guy who can get the ball into the end zone against your defense. Peyton Manning is Rain Man when it comes dissecting defenses. I don't care if you're the '85 Bears. Peyton Manning will go to the sideline, flip through his chart, discover a disparity between the backup TE and the weakside linebacker, and will exploit it ALL DAY LONG, and unless you can respond with some scores of your own, you will lose. Badly. And that is what will happen today. JETS fans, I love you and I sympathize with you, but you just have the offense to compete with Peyton Manning and gang. Also, your pro shop totally jinxed you!

VIKINGS 34 - SAINTS 27

I know, I know. New Orleans is the home team. They have their savior in Drew Brees. They have a young, no nonsense, maverick of a coach in Sean Payton (what's up Marple Newtown Junior Bengals!). And they have the ultimate X-FACTOR in Reggie Bush.

Well, all that's fine and dandy. But think about this. The New Orleans defense ranks 21st in the NFL against the run and 26th against the pass. Sure, Darren Sharper has had a career year down there, but he's only dude. Who's gonna cover AP in the flat? Scott Fujita? I don't think so. The Minnesota offense has too many weapons for the New Orleans defense to stop. Oh, and the running game. . .

New Orleans game plan is simple: Score quickly, run up the points and force the opposing team to abandon their game just to keep up. Problem is, the Vikings can score quickly, too. And they have a two-headed running beast named Adrian Taylor that can easily control tempo and wear down a defense. Plus, Brad Childress is a stubborn prick. He will not let you force him to abandon his game plan. Unles Brett Favre has a complete and total meltdown and throws 3 picks in the first half, the Vikings are headed to the Super Bowl. Expect Visanthe Shiancoe to have HUGE game.

Drew Brees is an excellent passer with great field vision and a corps of talented receivers who have the ability to make him look even better than he is through their extreme feats of individual effort. But, as Tony Romo gave evidence last week, you can't throw with a D Lineman sitting on your face. Sorry, Saints fans, I just don't think it's your year.

One note, though: The Vikings defense is not so great on the road. See for yourself here. Compelling as that may be, the Saints will lose today.

INTERESTING FACT NOBODY IS TALKING ABOUT: Domes. The NFC is becoming the dome league. Of the 6 NFC playoff teams, 4 of them are dome teams: Saints, Vikings, Cards, Cowboys. The other 2 teams, Philly and Green Bay, both lost in the first round. Is this an insignificant observation? Maybe. The Rams play in a dome and they suck. But it's "interesting" to think about, especially when your team is out of the race and your only solace is conspiracy theorizing.

Enjoy the games.

RAM JAM! Less Sports, More Sunday-ness.

2010-01-24T00:58:00.000-08:00

Because I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

Michael Vick has been named in a steroid case. Read the official interview transcript online at The Smoking Gun. Perhaps Mike will explain further on his BET documentary series, The Michael Vick Project. Unfortunately for the BET, The Vick project debuts against the opener for the final season of LOST.

Villanova hoops improves to 18-1 with victory over St. Johns. Is Scottie Reynolds worthy of Big East Player of the Year?

Elton Brand scores 23 points and the Sixers earn their 2nd straight victory, this time against the Pacers. Of course the Sixers almost blew a 13 point lead in the 4th quarter, but they were able to hold out for the win. And Elton Brand even got some props from coach Eddie Jordan.

CRAZY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY: Foreigners are whacky and unpredictable.

Prince William allows a 15 year-old Australian schoolgirl to give to give him a peck on his handsome cheek. How cheeky! The girl, Victoria Downie, is - and this is not a joke - a PART TIME MODEL!

which brings us to. . .

SONG LYRIC TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT: "In the buff, being rude, doing stuff with the food, getting lewd with his food, we heard that's what you are into!"

PAY HUMANS TO KEEP YOUR BED WARM AT HOLIDAY INN (see pic at top of posting): Holiday Inn launches "human bed warming service", which, to me, sounds horrible. Imagine, "Oh, I am so lonely and cold in my hotel room. I miss my family so much. I know, why don't I call the front desk and have them send up a fat maid in a robe so she can lay in my bed until I fall asleep! Then she can steal shit from me and let her sick, hotel worker friends into my room so they can violate my person and wipe their butts with my toothbrush!" Stupid, stupid, stupid Holiday Inn.

PRODUCT or MEAL that sounds like a POOP PRANK or SEX POSITION:

Chitterlings. Educate yourself, fool.

SLEEPTALKER QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Shhhhhhhhh. shhhhhhhhh. I'm telling you: your voice, my ears. A bad combination."

SONG FOR THE DAY:

RAM JAM! Saturday Edition: I WILL BRING THE FIGHT TO YOU!

2010-01-23T02:41:00.000-08:00

The Phillies add 38 year-old Jose Contreras to their pitching staff. The righty was 6-13 with a 4.92 ERA in 28 games last season, 23 of which were starts. In seven seasons in the majors, he is 71-63 with a 4.61 ERA. In 2005 Contreras pitched at the top of the rotation for the world champion Chicago White Sox. In 2006 he set a White Sox team record with 16 consecutive wins. Where does he fit with the Phils? Fifth starter? Bullpen? Ruben Amaro says he likes Jose's versatility, which means they don't know what they will do with him. Ultimately, you have to think it's positive any time you add a dude with a championship pedigree to your club. Welcome to Philly, El Duque.

Will Jayson Werth be a Phillie after 2010? Dude was an all star last year. Look at his numbers: 36 homers, 99 RBIs, .879 on-base/slugging. Plus he's a fan favorite and has some seriously kick ass facial hair. Better lock him down, Phils.

Michael Vick to star in documentary series on BET. Not sure what to make of this. Check out the promo:

FAN FAIL: Minnesota fans unintentionally disgrace the Vikings...

CRAZY FOREIGNER OF THE DAY: Because foreigners are whacky and unpredictable.

This is from England. Dude scales building and leaps on the roof of a double decker bus.

SONG LYRIC TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT: "Oh why do I give valuable time to people who don't care if I live or die?

PRODUCT or MEAL that sounds like a POO PRANK of SEXUAL POSITION:

Today's product is the TweetDeck. On the official website, TweetDeck is described as "your personal browser for staying in touch with what's happening now, connecting you with your contacts across Twitter, Facebook and more." Is it me or does a TweetDeck sound like a 2010 version of upper decking.

PERSONAL ANECDOTE THAT YOU DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT: I feel there's something wrong with me because about 5 times a day I lapse into a daydream where I'm giving a speech to a room packed full of family, friends and celebrities/athletes. Usually the scenarios involve me winning a very prestigious award, like an ESPY. Sometimes, though, I'm giving a eulogy or announcing something catastrophic like an asteroid is on course to blow the planet to smitherines. Two things remain consistent: I am wearing a Ralph Lauren peak lapel tuxedo, and I always use the word "superfluous". My imagined speeches cause me significant problems because I often lapse into them when I'm doing chores for my wife, who gets pissed because she then has to repeat her instructions (WHY ARENT YOU WIPING THE WINDOWS! I SAID WIPE THE WINDOWS!). Or I'm at work when someone is telling me something important. As a matter of fact, the more important the information I'm receiving, the more likely I am to dissassociate into one of my completely public addresses. For instance, wife says, "Hey Mike, I'm going into labor right now" and inside my head I hear myself saying, "I am humbled by your genorsity and kindness, and I want you to know that I don't regard this award as some superfluous achievement". Then I'm interrupted by loud shouting and I get defensive.

SONG FOR THE DAY:

RAM JAM - The Answer, Victorino, Wife Interview. And a song.

2010-01-22T02:29:00.000-08:00

I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

Despite a career-low scoring average of 14.4 points per game, a forgettable three-game stint with the Grizzlies, and a brief retirement, Allen Iverson will start for the Eastern Conference in next month's All-Star Game in Dallas. Guess what? I'm happy as hell for him. Who cares about merit over one year. I agree with Larry Brown - sometimes you vote a player in as a reward for his body of work over a career. Plus, I'm a homer. I love AI and always will. Say what you will, but he had me at hello. Remember this?. . .

The Phillies have locked up Shane Victorino through 2012. According to Todd Zolecki of MLB.com, the Flyin Hawaiian agreed to a three-year contract extension worth $22 million. The extension marks the second deal in 2 days, as yesterday Big Joe Blanton agreed to a three-year contract worth $24million. Now let's just hope we can get Ruiz on the dotted line. 2010 is gonna be a good year. Thrice to Series and nothing less will be acceptable.

Big Baby Glen Davis got charged $25,000 for telling a fan to "Suck my dick!" You can see the incident in the video below. Stay classy, Massholes!

Wade Phillips will be coaching again in Big D next year. This isn't really news, but I just wanted a chance to say that despite the Cowboys beating the Eagles twice this year, I don't believe Dallas will EVER win a championship with the Wade/Romo combo running things. They better pray Jason Garret doesn't leave, because then they would be really screwed.

The guys at The700Level have nice piece on Philly's QB situation and teams who could benefit from our "burden of riches", i.e. having three QBs and only one starting spot.

CRAZY FOREIGNER OD THE DAY: Because foreigners are whacky and unpredictable. David Beckham gets groped by some strange Italian lady:

EXCLUSIVE RAM JAM INTERVIEW: A chance for my many thousands (or ZERO) RAM JAM fans to have a voice on PhilthyPride.

Today's interview is with my wife. Before we were married, she was like a woman without a country. Having grown up in Minnesota and Colorado, she lacked true devotion to any one sports team. So naturally I brainwashed her into becoming a Philly fan. Today, she does a mean E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES chant! And she wants to make out with Chase Utley, but whatever.

1.) Who will win the AFC Championship Game: (looking up teams competing) COLTS, cause Peyton Manning is the MAN!

2.) Who will win NFC Championship Game: (looking up teams competing) VIKINGS! Cause Favre has sumptin' to prove!

3.) So who do you lik better, Favre or Manning? I can't pick, Manning is more level headed and all american and Favre is a wildman that can pull miracles out of thin air! (Wife LOVES exclamation points)

4.) Question: So, who would you rather go on a date with? Manning, Favre cries a lot.

5.) Would you kiss on the first date? Sure! (Gross)

6.) Who would win a fight in a dark parking lot after drinking ten beers each, Favre or Manning?

Favre, because he's got better facial hair and that always means you win bar fights.

7.) Should McNabb play in the Pro Bowl? No, he will let everyone down like he did against Dallas. (OUCH).

8.) What is your favorite sports show or movie? FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS (TV SHOW)!!!

9.) Chicago deep dish pizza VS. Philly Cheesesteak? Cheesesteak!!

10.) Do you read my blog? I will today!!

So basically my wife wants to make out with Peyton Manning even though she thinks Favre would beat his ass in a fight. But she's down with the Cheesesteak, so it's all good.

YOUR SONG FOR THE DAY:

Phillie Give Blanton 3 Year, $24Million Contract

2010-01-21T12:10:00.000-08:00

Everybody's favorite fat guy is a Phillie for three more years. The Phils are pretty psyched about this, but Buster Olney is here to rain on everyone's parade. I love Big Joe, but you gotta admit Halladay, Lee, Hamels would have been pretty damn impressive. But nothing we can do about it, so let's toast Joe and wish him many more nights like this:

RAM JAM! Stuff you want to know. And a song.

2010-01-21T02:34:00.001-08:00

I get up six hours before you do, so I survey the interweb and hit you with a RAM JAM of need-to-know info. Let's get started:

Racist basketball league to allow whites only. Here are the rules: "Only players that are natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league." Thought you might want to start your day off by vomiting a little in your mouth. Read more here.

GQ takes a deeper look at the Marvin Harrison shooting case. The article, by Jason Fagone, is illuminating, if not disturbing. Should be of particular interest to all Philly residents out there.

Donovan McNabb is going to the Pro Bowl, but, as he says in his blog, he'd rather be going to the Super Bowl. He also says some stuff about his future. Interpret however you'd like.

Jim Salisbury breaks down the Phillies position-by-position, this week focusing on Catchers. God save the Chooch!

Deadspin points out the Shake Weight workout is similar to a favorite pastime of teenage boys. You make the call:

Brad Lidge talks about his struggles last season, his two surgeries, and his hopes for the coming season. Paul Hagen of Philly Daily News reports.

RETRO NEWS: Jonathan Burling, Haverford School grad and the pride and joy of Echo Valley, was named to Philly's all-decade team as Punter. Way to go, Buddy Burls. Bust some heads.

Marijuana is more than a gateway drug for Tim Lincecum, the Giants 2 time Cy Young winner. It's also a gate closer. Rumor is Lincecum's recent bust could cost him millions in salary negotiations. Could Big Joe Blanton make more than Lincecum next year? Doubtful, but it would make a good case for youngsters to eat lots of cookies.

And now for your song. This one's for Lincecum:

John Daly on Tiger Woods (Sports Soup)

2010-01-20T05:14:00.000-08:00

John Daly tries his hand at TV. Takes some shots at Tiger and Stephen A. Smith. And of course, Daly is dressed to impress. His jacket "not only says I'm a winner, but holds you down and screams it in your face."

Good Morning. Here's Everything You Need to Know. And a Song.

2010-01-20T02:48:00.000-08:00

The Phillies hope to sign Shane Victorio to a multiyear deal, and they exchange potential salaries with Big Joe and Chooch. Lock 'em up.

Will Michael Vick start at QB for the Rams next season? Some think so. Read here.

Phillies give a tryout to Eric Gagne? Remember when he was awesome? Yeah, he was juicing. Now he's just another fat guy in glasses. I'd rather have Kenny Powers in red pinstripes.

Les Bowen of the Daily News calls Howard Eskin a liar and makes a case for B West returning to the NFL.

Eagles sign Martell Mallet, a rookie sensation from. . .the Canadian Football League. Mallett, 23, rushed for 1,280 yards and six touchdowns on 214 carries, an average of 5.8 yards per carry. He also caught 43 passes for 342 yards and two touchdowns, made the league's all-star team and was named its top rookie. Is he the answer for 4th and 1? Doubt it.

Venus Williams moons fans at Australian Open. Why couldn't it have been Anna K?

And now, a good song to start the day with:

Football Games Only Have 11 Minutes of Action

2010-01-19T07:14:00.001-08:00

...or says the Wall Street Journal. Read the article here. Pretty good analysis. So if that's true, why do we still watch football? Because the 11 minutes of action are better than anything else out there. 22 guys beat the ever-loving-crap out of each other for 5 seconds a pop, take a break, and the beat each other's heads in again. And with instant replay, we get to see all these beat downs take place in slow motion. Oh, and of course, there are moments like this, too. . .

Every other sport can eat its heart out. I love baseball and basketball, too, but the truth is, football athletes are biggest, strongest, fastest dudes on the planet. Where else will you find a guy 6'5" tall who weighs 300lbs and moves like this:

Charile Manuel Loses 56 Pounds with Nutrisystem

2010-01-19T02:16:00.000-08:00

Check him out. I guess he was tired of hearing the ladies scream for Utley. Find out how he lost all the weight in this article from NBC Philadelphia.

Maybe Big Red should get on this plan. When asked about it, he said: We need to do a better job and put our players in a better position to win. Wait, what?

C'mon Andy. You got a big new contract. Invest in some Nutrisystem.

Keith Brooking is a Giant Baby

2010-01-18T05:36:00.000-08:00

Did anyone else Keith Brooking run over to the Minnesota sideline and start screaming after the Vikes scored their final touchdown? I thought that was pretty ridiculous. If you don't want them to score, stop them. Don't cry about it. But the worst part came after the game: Brooking had the balls to say the Vikings were "classless". I almost vomited when I heard that. Does Brooking forget what jersey he wears? Is he unaware that he represents the least classy football team in the history of the NFL? A team where they celebrate making tackles like they just scored a TD, even though there losing by three scores? A team that plays in a stadium/night club where people regularly bone in the stalls and security guards beat visiting fans in the face? A team which retired the jersey of a guy who stabbed his teammate in the neck with a pair of scissors? Boy will be boys, right? Wrong. The Cowboys are just assholes.

But here's the real question: What would the Cowboys have done in that situation? I guarantee you that faced with the same situation, Jerry Jones would have phoned down to Jason Garret and told him to run up the score, run up the score, run up the score. What better way for a team riddled by playoff embarassments to make a statement and WE ARE TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY! LOOK AT HOW MANY POINTS WE PUT ON THE BOARD! But, yesterday was not Jerry's day. Nor Wade, nor Tony, nor Demarcus. Nor Keih Brooking. It was the Vikings day. So shut your loser mouth and go back to Jerry world where you belong.

Brett Favre Sings American Idol Song, Slaps Dude on Ass

2010-01-18T05:26:00.001-08:00

Brett Favre loves to smack dudes on the butt really hard. It's one of the reasons Joe Buck always says: Brett Favre has so much FUN out there! Brett also likes that catchy "Pants on The Ground" tune from American Idol. He likes it so much that - after destroying the Cowboys in the divisional round of the NFL playoffs - Brett gathered his team in the locker room to huddle up and sing PANTS ON THE GROUND! He also smacks Jared Allen on the ass. So much fun.

An American in Paris (and London) - During MLB Playoffs

2009-10-09T05:54:00.001-07:00

I’m throttling towards Paris at 187mph via Eurostar en route to a two day working session, but my mind is elsewhere. Wandering around outside King’s Cross station this morning – the fat taxis farting gray fumes into the brisk London morning – I couldn’t help but realize that my journey would be pushing me even further away (thousands of miles and a full 6-hour time zone lapse) form what’s undoubtedly going to be a huge day for Philadelphians.

Through the train window the French countryside blinks by in a smattering of green and brown like some rapid-fire presentation of psychotic watercolours. The aesthetic is completely lost on me, at least for today. I’m looking for something I won’t find in France – the ceremonial pomp and fanfare of the MLB playoffs, specifically the Philadelphia version. But none of these people are wearing Ryan Howard jerseys or old-school Phillies caps or “Why Can’t Us?” shirts. There aren’t any tacky Phillies flags waving in the wind outside of these picturesque French cottages. And why would there be? They live in France, where Soccer (pronounced “Football”) is king and cycling is queen. Baseball is about as interesting to a Parisian as Cricket is to a New Yorker, and even if they were fans – they wouldn’t be Phillies fans, would they? No. So the question is, why am I so pissed off?

By all accounts I should be soaking up this international opportunity for all that it’s worth, because, yes, I understand it’s a privilege to work abroad. It truly is a phenomenal, life enriching experience for my wife and I, yadda yadda yadda. . .but all that said. . . missing one baseball game makes me want to kick and scream and throw punches at the bald, moustached man sitting next to me (also, he apparently, doesn’t have the stomach to handle the traditional lamb moussaka that the Eurostar staff provided us – he’s covered in sweat and smells like hot air hissing out of a popped bicycle tire.) Logic tells me, “It’s just one game in a best of five series, Mike”, but logic makes too much sense – standing all cool and disinterested in the face of my emotional hysteria. Logic says, “It’s just a game”, and that’s when Emotion kicks Logic in the teeth.

Just a game? C’mon. It’s never just a game. Epecially not in the playoffs. Epecially not when you’re facing a team that SWEPT you in the exact same series two years ago. Especially not when you’re sending a playoff virgin out to the mound, carrying with him all the hopes and expectations of Philadelphia’s famously insatiable and manically depressed fans. Especially not when your closer – who you love – is suffering some kind of year-long confidence crisis. And especially not when your wife is secretly rooting for the other team. No, it’s never just a game. So what’s happening to me? Why are sports – correction, Philadelphia sports - so damn important to me? When did they shift from enjoyable pastime to psychosis inducing obsession? Theoretically I should be outgrowing sports, leaving childish things to the children. And, yeah, it’s really odd when I have to admit that I still have heroes – and even more odd when I acknowledge that many of those heroes are younger than me. But it’s the truth, I’m growing increasingly more attached to Philadelphia sports as I grow older, and, perhaps more interestingly, as I move farther and farther away from the city itself.

The natural response would be to suggest that clinging to the Phillies, Eagles, Sixers and Flyers allows me to stay connected to the city that reared me. But this is problematic – what level of connection is appropriate? Surely it’s okay to read the beat writers on Philly.com, listen to 610 WIP broadcasts over the internet, and watch highlights on each team’s respective website. But what about paying $500 for an NFL.com season pass and then staying up until 4am to watch Monday Night Football in London? Blogging (remotely) on teams I’m unarguably ill-suited to comment on? Or, more specifically, scheming up ways to ditch my work commitments in Paris just so I can sneak off in hopes of discovering (unlikely as it may be) an American sports bar that’s televising Cliff Lee and the Phightins on a 60-inch HDTV?

If anything, I should be sneaking off to see the Mona Lisa at the Louvre, or maybe to the Trocadero for some crepes and a view of the Eiffel Tower at sunset. But no, my heart (and mind) are displaced – residing somewhere near Broad and Pattison in South Philadelphia (which, I hate to say, is a cultural desert compared to Paris). Admitting this reminds me that I’m a walking contradtiction – that I’m thinking exactly like the stupid, uno-lingual, meathead American that I constantly condemn when surrounded by my more cospmolitan ex-patriot counterparts in the UK.

The way it was explained to me was that Americans living in the UK need to abandon (for the most part) the lives they built before moving abroad – otherwise you’ve got one foot in both worlds, and you can’t move forward with your life when you’re straddling the Atlantic. It’s that whole Orpheous and Hades thing – look over your shoulder and you’ll kill the thing you’ve come for. So...Give up old pastimes for new pastimes. Quit reading American novelists and start reading English ones. Stop watching 30 Rock and start watching East Enders. Stop obsessing about the Phillies and start rooting for Arsenal or Chelsea or Manchester United. Then, and only then, will you feel fully immersed in your new life. Without full immersion, your move abroad was pointless. You should have just gone on a long vacation, taken some photos of Big Ben, eaten some fish and chips and gone the hell home. Why bother disrupting your life if you’re not ready to commit to the changes?

It sounds simple enough in theory, but applying it to one’s real life is more complicated than it seems. First of all, I hate East Enders. Secondly, I simply can’t switch off my Philly fandom and start rooting for another team, much less a whole new sport. When I lived in Chicago, I caught a lot of grief from my friends who were all one of two combinations – Cubs/Bears fans or Sox/Bears fans. These two groups could agree on two things: 1. ) The Bears, and 2.) making fun of Philadelphia sports. I lived in the Windy City for over five years and these guys kept harassing me, citing the example of the Rocky statue as a symbol of our city’s failure to produce to real superstars along the lines of Michael Jordan and Walter Payton. I offered up Dr. J and Mike Schmidt, but apparently they weren’t impressive enough.

More than anything, these guys wanted me to abandon Philly and adopt Chicago, thereby confirming their notion that their teams are superior and that I’m just the sorry victim of growing up in a place where teams always lose and never win. Teams that go the distance, but don’t succeed. These guys were smoking their own drugs and were completely overlooking the fact the Sox were only the team who had won anything of note in the 2000’s. Otherwise, the Cubs, Bears, and Hawks were – if anything – less successful than our Big 4. But this isn’t a Chicago vs Philly blog, this is a “You can’t adopt new teams willy nilly” blog.

The result of all their harassment was that I became even more adamant in my support of Philly sports. Each insult made me look more deeply into our history for stats, players and crazy stories that could defend Philadelphia as the greatest sports town in the United States. Perhaps I convinced myself too much, but whatever the story may be – I’m hooked. Thus this long rambling blog which now has to come to an end. We’re pulling into Gar du Nord. This helped me cope a little bit with the fact I won’t be seeing the game – but I’ll be checking the score on my phone (thank you ESPN mobile). I hope we win. And by the time I get back and actually post this, I’ll already know the result.

***

Back in London now. . The the Phillies won on Wendesday. I celebrated by excusing myself, stepping outside and slapping high-five with a very confused French taxi driver.

Thursday I got back to London at 7:30 and bolted to The Sports Cafe, where they were broadcasting the game live on huge TVs. There were about 50 Phillies fans there, and 10 Rockies fans. It was "Wings Night", but they were out of wings. The Phillies lost. I rode the tube home in an awkward silence - saddened by the loss, but somehow happy that I'd been able to see the game, the fans and the city I regularly admire from afar.

Players Pedro Should Hit With Pitches

2009-10-03T02:14:00.000-07:00

As the postseason approaches, may Philly sports writers are focusing on important things like the bullpen, jockeying for home field advantage, the rotation, Chase Utley's fatigue, Cliff Lee's apparent lapse into mere humanness - and the list goes on ad infinitum.

In light of all that, I wanted to offer a new thread to the Phillies postseason dialogue: Which players should Pedro drill in the back?

Pedro is - straight from the mouth of Amaro Jr - the smartest player on the team. By that he means, "Pedro knows you have bully teams into submission to win Championships". And, Pedro has the biggest balls in the clubhouse. Wasn't it him who said, "I'd brush back my grandmother if she was crowding the plate"? Badass.

So yeah, given all we know about Pedro, and given how much I love having the guy on the team, I want to offer up some suggestions on players he should peg with pitches this postseason. I'm assuming a postseason schedule of Rockies in the NLDS, Cards in the NLCS, and NY in the World Series.

NLDS against the Rockies:

1.) Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper - That's right Hickenlooper, you carpetbagging traitor. Formerly a Haverford School Ford and native of Philadelphia's Main Line area, Hickenlooper can now be seen in a plush luxury box at Coors Field wearing his stupid expansion team hat and stuffing his face with Buffalo testicles. It will be difficult to arrange this, Pedro, but you'll find a way. Peg him in his stupid groinal region. (here's a photo of Hickentraitor celebrating something stupid with the Rockies.)

2). Troy Tulowhateverthefuckski - I hate this little pest. Stupid name, stupid face. Plus he's my nemesis in fantasy baseball. Every time I play against him he comes off a quiet week and then hits about 5 HRs and steals 15 bases in three days. Peg him in the elbow, Pedro.

3.) Jorge De La Rosa - He looks like bizarro Benicio Del Torro and should be punished for it. Plus I can smell his cologne through the TV. This guy hangs out in laundramats sucking on lollipops while reading the abridged version of the old testament. Pig him in the facebone, Pedro.

4.) The rest of the lineup, except Todd Helton - I love Todd Helton bc he's old and classy, but the rest of them should be punished for getting hot right at the perfect time again - and giving me nightmares of that horrible sweep two years ago. Cmon' Pedro, knock em down one by one.

NLCS against St. Louis:

1.) Ryan Franklin - Since when did you get good? Remember when you were on the Phillies and you sucked worse than 6 fingered Alfonseca? Oh, you don't remember? Let me remind you: 1 Win, 5 Losses and 1 Blown Save over 53 innings. And now all of a sudden you have 38 saves and 1.95 ERA. Damn you. We could use you now. Pedro will find you in the clubhouse and beam your throwing hand with a 92mph fastball.

2.) Tony La Rusa - The genius manager who bats his pitcher in the 8-hole and wears a ballet shirt. Tony gets too much media love and needs a Pedro bruise to bring him back to reality. It's not hard to win your division and make the playoffs when all you have to do is remind the Cubs that they aren't allowed to win and the Brewers that dreams don't come true in real life. This is a tough one bc I respect La Russa a lot, but Pedro needs to send a message to the entire St. Louis organization: We will not be intimidated by smart people.

3.) Skip Schumaker - Skip is a dog's name.

4.) Matt Holliday - Screw you for sucking in the AL and then being good again in the NL. You just add fuel to the fire that the NL is weak, even though we are World Series champs. You make me sick with your partisan approach to batting, and you must be punished. Pedro will peg you in your giant cartoonish jaw.

5.) Carpenter and Wainwright - Enough about these two already. So what if they're good? Who cares? When did ESPN decide to vomit sperm all over their player cards? As far as I remember, the Phillies rocked Wainwright for 7 runs in 6 innings, and the Phillies were 4-1 aginst the Cards this year. Just hurt people, Pedro. I don't even care who it is - just not Pujols because when he gets mad he does bad things to Brad Lidge.

6.) Okay, Pujols - Nevermind that last comment about Pujols. Upon further review, he needs to be punished for damaging the psyche of our great reliever. It all comes to Pujols, doesn't it? That fabled swing, the HR, the season crushing moment that almost ruined Lidge's career - before he came to Philly and had the PERFECT season. But latey Lidge is having nightmares of Fat Albert's thick thighs in the batter box, waiting for him to deliver the pitch so he can send it to the moon. . .again. . .Peg him, Pedro. Peg him twice and bring our closer back to life.

World Series vs the NY Yankees:

1.) A-Rod - We don't have to explain this, do we? A-Rod is an asshole, plain and simple. Every pitcher should peg him. Not only is he an arrogant turd, he looks like a date-raping pedophile. Yes, he's unbelievably talented, but he's the biggest wank on a team full of pinstriped stroke artists. Peg him every time he steps up to the plate, Pedro. Each hit-by-pitch will be part of his public sentencing for shaming the game of baseball and ruining his hero status for millions of little kids when he lied, lied, lied and lied some more about his PED experience. The guy is worse than Terrell Owens in the insincerity department, and his ego is about as big as the stadium he plays in. Humility is king, A-Rod, just look at Pujols for an example of that. He's role model material. You're just a self-obsessed prick with a boner for Madonna circa 1993. And you take corny photos, proof:

2.) Johnny Damon - You know you want to peg him for sleeping with the enemy. Plus you miss his long hair and his scruffy beard, don't you? It's okay, Pedro, you can hurt him.

3.) Mark Teixeira - Another fantasy nemesis and all around beast of baseball along the same lines of Pujols. Mostly I am just scared of him. He's so big and quiet. It's unnatural, and unnerving. Peg his earhole, Pedro.

4.) C.C. Sabathia - Swarthy, fat body pitcher who belongs in 1970's porn, not MLB. He's got great stuff but he looks like a mix between a garbage pale kid and the groundhog from Caddyshack. Not too worried about him, though, since the Phillies lit him up last year in the Playoffs. Remember us C.C.? You gave up 5 runs and lasted only 3.2 innings against us. Ouch. And you gave up a Grand Slam to Victorino - POI Power! I hope we get another shot at you this year. I really do. And I hope Pedro pegs you, more as a reminder that you're not a hall of famer - you're just another sellout player who could have been great but decided instead to play for the Yankees. Boo hoo hoo.

So that's it. Get to work Pedro!

Chicago 2016 - Billy Dec Ruined It

2009-10-03T01:53:00.000-07:00

I was pulling for Chicago to win the 2016 Olympics, but I knew it was over as soon as someone pointed out that Billy Dec was Director of Cultural Relations for the Chicago team. I don't know Billy Dec personally, but I know people who know him, and they all have the same opinion of him: Huge self-promoting jerkoff who never takes his hat off, not even when we meets the President of the USA. Don't believe me?

What do you think the IOC thought of this douchebag? Everyone in suits and ties, respectful of the Olympics and all the hard work that goes into arranging it, and this asshole shows up with his shirt untucked and his lame hat on, looking more like an extra from Entourage than someone who can handle all the responsibilities of being the Cultural Relations Director for an event as diverse as the Olympics. Maybe he could handle being the Director of Relations for Suburban Striped-Shirt Wearing Teens who want nothing more than to sneak into a corny Billy Dec nightclub and get handjobs from tranny cage dancers...but he can't be on a panel with Obama.

What was the Chicago 2016 team thinking? That they'd land the Olympics by promising the IOC they wouldn't have to pay cover at ROCKIT, which is a shitty overpriced bar by the way. It's simple, you treat people with respect if you want to be respected, and Billy Dec looks like a giant 6 year old with an ET head and a cocaine problem. Billy Dec - FAIL. And who are the victims - all Chicagoans.

Seriously, can someone explain the hat to me? If it's not for some serious life threatening condition, there's simply no excuse.

October Rules

2009-10-02T08:11:00.001-07:00

The geniuses at deadspin made me belly laugh at work again. Read this briefly insane article about October. October rules. Here's a good october photo:

Matt Mosley Wants To Make Love To A Cowboys Helmet

2009-10-02T05:51:00.001-07:00

Esteemed - and completely unbiased - sports writer Matt Mosley makes a mockery of himself in this article on ESPN.com.

He makes a pathetic argument against the Eagles, and worse argument in favor of the Cowboys. The Eagles defense didn't lose the game against NO - special teams did. You can't beat any team in football if you keep handing them the ball at your own 20 yard line. They responded well the next week, albeit against a sorry team. Mark Nov 1 and Nov 8 on your calendar - The Giants and Boys will be exposed.

As for the the Cowboys - they are the same horrible team that hasn't won a playoff game since Romo was riding the shortbus to middle-school (give it up for 1996!). Their RBs will be hurt all year, their WR are all 2nd tier, and their QB is scared of getting hit....anyone see the mic'd up video on NFL.com from week 1? Romo gets hit while throwing a TD and then gets up and instead of celebrating he starts yelling at his linemen - Who got me killed?!?! Speaking of Dallas linemen - Flozell Adams will have about a million penalties again this season because he's huge and stupid. Jason Witten is awesome, but he can't do everything. And what about Jerry Jones? He's making people $100 for standing room only tickets with absolutely no view of the field. Add all that up and you have to admit the entire Cowboys organization sucks a fat one.

Also, pretty lame of Mosley to use strength of schedule to back up his argument. He's quick to point out the Eagles have only beat Carolina and KC, but he fails to mention Dallas has earned their wins over. . .oh yeah. . .Carolina. . .and that beast of a team from Tampa Bay. Both Dallas and Philly have suffered their only losses to undefeated teams. Strength of schedule can't be a factor in this discussion. But he's the expert, surely he knows best.

I'm not an idiot. I know the Eagles have flaws and that there are huge question marks on the team. That being said, I refuse to let some turd burglar who wears Cowboys pajamas blast the Eagles in a supposedly loyalty-neutral forum. Reading his articles is almost as bad as listening to Michael Irvin on TV, or, worse, Merril Hoge say anything at all about football in general. Why can't everyone be like Jaws? He's a classy guy who leaves his green at home when he heads to work at the studio. Everyone loves Jaws. Even David Anderson of the Houston Texans:

Phillies Beer Pong Table

2009-10-02T04:51:00.000-07:00

I thought this was pretty funny.

Read the full article online at The700Level.com.

Phillies Must Win Tonight - If Not, Hit the Panic Button

2009-09-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

Despite their pathetic performance as of late, Phillies fans have room to breathe. As far as the math is concerned, the Phillies are still golden. They are leading the division by 4 games with 6 to go. That being said, you can hit the panic button if they don't win tonight. Here's why: They're playing at home. The have their backs are against the wall. It's a must win game, and it's a winnable game. They're facing a team in turmoil - the lowly Houston Astros - a team that has been out of the playoff race since the all star break. A team that the Phillies haven't beat all season.

But they will win tonight. They are going up against no-name Wilton Lopez, a relief pitcher turned starter with a whopping 8.44 ERA. In his last appearance of 3 or more innings, Lopez gave up 6 earned runs (3 home runs) to the. . .wait for it. . .Arizona Diamondbacks. If the Phillies don't annihilate this guy, they don't deserve to be in the playoffs.

So my prediction is simple: The Phillies win tonight, and the Braves lose to Josh Johnson and the Marlins. Tomorrow's magic number: 1.

If they don't win, they have no balls. And you can start worrying. Because if you can't beat Wilton Lopez, you definitely can't beat Wainwright and Carpenter.

Phillies Postseason Rotation: Hamels is the Ace

2009-09-26T02:07:00.000-07:00

Phillies Postseason Rotation: Much has been written about the Phillies postseason pitching rotation. Everyone seems to have an opinion on who should pitch where (and when), so I thought I'd weigh in as well.

First, let it be known that the Phillies have one of the best starting pitching staffs of any team poised to make a run in October. They don't have the best rotation - that belongs to Boston - but they're damn close. A recent ESPN poll asked a collection of MLB scouts and execs to rank potential pitching staffs, and the Phillies came in 3rd behind Boston and St. Louis. I can accept being behind Boston because of the depth they have a pitching, but I call BS on St. Louis being ranked second. Yes Wainwright and Carpenter are both viable Cy Young contenders, but after that there's a significant drop off in the 3 and 4 slots. I understand the argument that you can win by running your top 2 out there as often as possible (witness Phillies post-season run 2008), but I don't think that's going to get it done this year.

The playoff teams in the NL have bigger bats this year, better lineups. On any night the Phils, Dodgers and Cards can put up anywhere from 5 -10 runs, no matter who's pitching. Just listen to the names of guys who will likely be stepping up to the plate in a couple weeks: Howard, Pujols, Manny, Holliday, Ethier, Kent, Utley, etc. These are big name players who like the playing in the spotlight. They aren't gonna let anyone - Cy Young credentials or not - intimidate them. So no, this fall won't be like the past two - no team is going to run in and sweep/semi sweep its way to the World Series. The lineups are too good, and the pitching is too good. These will be long series, and in long series you need depth. And, as crazy as it might sound, the Phillies have depth.

Pitching depth was a question mark for the Phils at the beginning of the season, but they answered those questions with Cliff Lee and Pedro. Whereas as most teams are trying to scrap together their number 4 starter, the Phils suffer a burden of riches. They have too many arms and can't decide who deserves a shot at October glory. Between Lee, Hamels, Blanton, Happ and Pedro, the Phillies have five quality arms that can go out and shut down any team in baseball. So what would you do?

Here's the rotation I would run with: Hamels, Lee, Blanton, Martinez.

The reasoning:

#1: Hamels is my ace in October for three reasons: 1.) He's got ice in his veins when it comes to big games (proven last year). 2.) He doesn't like pitching on short rest, so send him out first and let him recover in case you need him again. 3.) He's finally at full strength again, and his numbers this month are great. He's 3-1 with a 2.45 ERA and 35 K's. The changeup is looking lethal.

#2: Lee is the number 2. Most people would argue he's the ace and should get the game 1 start, but I think differently for 2 reasons: 1.) He's never pitched in the playoffs. 2.) He's been shaky lately - he's given up 5 or more runs in 4 of his last 6 starts (the other two games he gave up 1 run and struck out 11). So whereas Hamels is getting increasingly more consistent, Lee is teetering. But he's still the guy who showed up and went 5-0 with a 0.68 ERA. I think he thrives on the big stage as well, but still I go with Hamels for game 1.

#3: Blanton has been quietly impressive all season long (11-7, 3.82 ERA, 156 K's). And he's right handed. I like the Lefty, Lefty, Righty approach. Here's something to consider about Big Joe: He's rattled off 13 quality starts in his last 14 outings. Talk about consistency. All he needs is some run support, and, as mentioned above, the phils should be able to capitalize on any other team's weak #3 pitcher. This could be a win for the Phils in every series.

#4: Pedro Martinez. The old goat. The man who loves the big stage more than anyone on this team. The man with the amazing postseason credentials (6-2, 3.40 ERA, 80 K's). Three time Cy Young award winner. World Series champion. Smart competitor with balls of steel. These are some of the reasons I start Pedro over Happ. But not all of them. . .

Happ for Closer? How about, given the problems the back end of the bullpen has had, we move J.A. HAPP to the Closer role? Happ has been brilliant this season and could very well win the Rookie Of The Year award, but I want him coming out of the bullpen this fall. Pedro is a good option for this as well, but Pedro is old and could have serious trouble pitching on back to back nights. Plus, Pedro has trouble in the first inning and takes some time to settle down. You can't have that in a closer. You might bring up lack of experience as something working against Happ, but from what I've seen, the kid has brass balls and doesn't get rattled too easily. And there is precedent for this type of move: Adam Wainwright, now Cy Young contender, was moved into the closer role in place of Jason Isringhausen for the Cards' 2006 World Series championship run. There are differences (Wainwright had spent the year as a middle reliever) but point is you can make a young stud your closer and still win the ring.

Only time will tell what Charlie has up his sleeve. Needless to say, I can't wait to see.

The Numbers Game: Phillies Magic Number, Eagles Stats & More

2009-09-25T05:53:00.000-07:00

The Phillies took advantage of a 6-run innning and pasted the fading Brew-crew last night in Milwaukee. J.A. Happ earned his 11th win, and the Phillies lowered their magic number to 4. They lead the NL East by 7 games with just 10 left play.

The Eagles are coming off 26 point loss to New Orleans and look to improve to 2-1 this week against an 0-2 Kansas City team that has allowed 51 points in 2 games. The Birds will be without QB McNabb and Kevin Kolb will be under center as QB1. There are question marks around Brian Westrbook and Desean Jackson. Looks like they will have limited roles - if they play at all. And oh yeah, Michael Vick is gonna play on Sunday.

And that's where we're at with our pro sports teams right now - One team is hobbling towards its 3rd consecutive division championship, and the other is stutter-stepping into its 3rd game and trying to define whether they're the team to beat or just another beatable team. Both have huge question marks at key positions, and all of that has been well documented by writers who are far more insightful than I am. So in thinking about the current state of the Phils and Eagles, I pulled together some numbers that may or may not be significant. Either way, their interesting to look at if you're a figures dork like me.

For instance, the Eagles only rushing TD wasn't scored by a RB. And of the 5 offensive TDs scored this season, no WR or RB has scored twice (i.e. no consistent red zone threat). Also, the Philies have a losing record against the teams they'll face in the last 10 games, and the Braves will play Washington in 7 of their remaing 10 games. . .the Nats have gone 6-14 so far in September.

Here are the numbers:

PHILLIES:
Magic Number: 4
Games Left: 10
Division Lead: 7 Games (Atlanta in 2nd)
Season record against upcoming opponents: 10-13
Atlanta's season record vs upcoming oppts: 14-12
Best Record in NL: 92-61 (Dodgers)
Dodgers lead over phils for best record: 2.5 Games
Phillies have outscored 2009 opponents by: 114 runs (4th best in NL)
Philies record over last 10 games: 7-3
Team Batting:
Total Home Runs: 214 (1st in NL, 3rd in MLB)
Total RBI: 742 (1st in NL, 4th in MLB)
Total Runs: 771 (1st in NL, 4th best in MLB)
Team AVG: .258 (8th worst in MLB)
Team Pitching:
Team ERA: 4.02 (7th best in MLB)
Saves: 42 (9th best in MLB)
Blown Saves: 17 (worst in MLB, Lidge - 11, Madson - 6)
Strikeouts: 1081 (13th best in MLB)

EAGLES:

General

Record: 1-1

Outscored Opponents by: 2 points

Random

Lost to New Orleans by: 26 points

Worst loss last season: 29 points (Baltimore)

After 29 point loss to Baltimore: 3 Straight wins and outscored opponents by 46 points (beat Giants and Cards)

Offense

Total Yards: 730

Yds/Game: 365

Passing Yards: 466

Pass yds/game: 233

Rushing Yards: 264

Rush yds/game: 132

Points: 60

PPG: 30

TDs: 5

Receiving TDs: 4

Rushing TDs: 1 (rushed by QB)

WR or RB with multiple TDs: 0 (Jackson has 2, but 1 was a punt return)

Receptions by Leading receiver: 14 receptions

Yards by leading receiver: 14

Name of leading receiver: Brent Celek (Go TE!. ..or can you say "Check Down"?)

1st Downs: 40 (23 passes, 16 rushes, 1 Penalty)

Defense:

Yards allowed: 590

Yards per game: 295

passing yards allowed: 371

passing yards per game: 185

rush yards allowed: 219

rush yards/game: 109.5

Points allowed 58

points allowed / game: 29

Tackles by leading tackler: 15 (Quintin Mikell)

Tackles: 129

Sacks: 7

Interceptions: 6

Forced Fumbles: 3

Defensive TDs: 1

Special Teams:

Kickoff Return Yards: 231

Punt Return Yards: 111

Yards per punt: 44

Field Goals: 3/4

Longest Field Goal: 49 Yards

Extra Points: 7/7

Penalties:

Total Penalties: 16 (8th worst in NFL)

Penalty Yards: 121

Offensive penalties: 8 for 50 Yards

Defensive penalties: 2 for 21 Yards

Special Teams Penalties: 6 for 50 Yards

Eagles Vs. Saints: Special Teams Sucked, Dont' Blame Kolb

2009-09-22T04:29:00.001-07:00

By now everyone has had a chance to sit back and digest the horrendous performance put forth by our beloved Eagles on Sunday. And even though Tuesday is a day late for Monday Morning Quaterbacking, you'll have to cut me some slack as I've been traveling and haven't been able to post anything. (For the two of you who actually read this blog, sorry for the delay).

As for the pathetic game against the Saints, I had the pleasure of actually watching the game in real-time on Sky Sports. One of the frustrations of American sports fans in London is the inability to watch the games you want to watch - baseball isn't available on telecats, and even if it were, it's only on at 1am GMT. And for NFL Football, Sky Sports broadcasts games on Sundays - but they seem to choose the games at random. Luckily for me, the game for week 2 was the Eagles/Saints matchup. I had a little freak out spaz session when I found out - You mean I don't have to settle for just the audio feed! - and my wife and I got decked out in Eagles green, only to have our hearts crushed by the team we love. And for stupid reason, too. Special teams and penalties. Football 101.

Say what you will about Kevin Kolb, but the kid looked sharp when his team was still in the game - before they basically handed the game away with mental errors and ridiculously stupid special teams penalties and plays. I don't blame Kolb at all. He drove the team 65 yards down the field in 43 seconds and set Akers up for an easy FG right before half time. Not bad. Yeah, he threw a costly interception in the 3rd quarter - badly telegraphing a pass - but that's only after Ellis Hobbs fumbled away the game in the kick off return and handed any momentum the Eagles were building right back into the hands of Drew Brees and the explosive Saints offense.

So what do I blame - I blame Special Teams and Penalties. Plain and simple. They lost those two battles and in turn lost the field position game. Let's have a look at exactly how bad the Eagles Special Teams were on Sunday. By my count, there were NINE (9!) total screw ups.

1.) 1st quarter - Right after the Saints drive down the field and score on their opening we drive, Sean Jones gets calle for holding on the kickoff. Result? The Eagles start from the 15, but still get a TD on the bomb to Jackson. Crisis averted, temporarily.

2.) 1st quarter - After the Eagles score and convert the extra point, the Eagles defense is able to the hold saints to a rare three and out. And then the punt. . . Desean jackson calls for a fair catch and the birds should have the ball on the 23, but Chris Clemons gets called for roughing - really stupid, stupid penalty, especially since it's a fair catch! Result - Instead of getting the ball at the 23, the Eagles start from their own 12 (definitely losing the field position battle). They're able to get a first down, but then they're forced to punt. . .which leads to more problems. . .

3.) 1st quarter- The eagles are set to punt (line of scrimmage is the 24, only 1 yard ahead of where the should have been before the Clemons penalty). Sav Rocca boots a 58 yard punt, pinning the Saints at their own 18. Pretty good, right? Wrong. Why? Because Hanson gets called for an ILLEGAL SHIFT. Result, the Eagles are sent back to the 19 and asked to punt again, which leads to even more problems. . .

4.) 1st quarter - In what's becoming a comedy of errors, Rocca punts the post-penalty-punt OUT OF BOUNDS. Result? Instead of starting from the 18 (where the first punt landed) the Saints start from their own 47. You can't give the Saints short field position like that. They capitalize with a FG and take the lead 10-7.

5, 6, 7.) 2nd Quarter- This a 3-for-one screw-up! After the Eagles defense intercepts Brees and sets up a game tying FG, the game looks like momentum can be shifting. The defense is able to hold Brees and company to another 3 and out, and the Saints are forced to punt to Desean Jackson with just 1:40 left in the half (score tied at 10-10). The Eagles, if their smart, could secure safe field position and play smart, secure football to escape the half in a tie and come out on the receiving end of the 3rd quarter kickoff. Things are looking up, but. . . Desean Jackson elects to return a FG from the 2 yard line instead of letting bounce into the end zone for a touchback (error #5). He's able to return the ball to the 33 yard line, but only after two illegal blocks by Weaver and Clemons (errors number 6 and 7). Result, instead of having the ball at the 20 yard line (where it would have been if Jackson doesn't touch it), the Eagles are forced to start from their own 3 yard line. The go three and out, hand the Saints great field position AGAIN, and in two plays Marques Colston is leaping for a TD. How quickly the tide turns. . .

8) 3rd Quarter - Kolb looked sharp at the end of the 1st half, moving the birds 65 yards down the field in 43 seconds and setting up a David Akers FG. The Eagles had some momentum coming into the 2nd half, and if they could take the lead with a smart opening drive. But. . .Ellis Hobbs fumbles the kickoff and kills the Eagles' mojo. Instead of the Eagles going down and taking control of the game, the Saints get the ball at the eagles 23. Three plays later the score is 24 - 13 and the game is quickly getting out of reach.

9.) 3rd quarter - With the score 31-13, the Eagles look to return a kickoff and try to get something - anything! - going. But of course there's a holding call on the Eagles, and the offense has to start from their own 6. Result - Same as usual: 3 and out, punt, Saints get short field and score. Saints lead 34-13.

What amazes me most about the game - aside from how badly they played on Special Teams, was how easy the Eagles made it for the Saints to score. As a result of Special Teams, penalties and turnovers, the Saints were handed amazing field position all day long. Just look at numbers:
The Saints received their ball at their own 35 (or better) FIVE TIMES! Of those five, they started in Eagles territory twice. And, oh yeah, they scored each of the five times.

For the Eagles part, they started at their own 35 (or better) just twice. And what did they do? Punted once, and scored a TD on the other.

Moral of the story: You can't make stupid mistakes against a team as offensively talented as the Saints. They will capitalize every time, and you will lose. Badly.

Merril Hoge is a Douchebag & Jimmy Johnson Loves The Eagles

2009-09-10T08:27:00.000-07:00

Once again, Merril Hoge picked the Eagles to lose. He always picks the Eagles to lose. Why? Because he's a douchebag. I hate Merril Hoge. You would think that he would be more supportive of Andy Reid - they're both Mormons - but no, Merril Hoge insists on picking against the Eagles every chance he gets.

But we do have one unlikely supporter - Jimmy Johnson. Jimmy Johnson brought years of misery to Eagles fans, but Jimmy told FOX Philly that the Eagles are his choice to win the Super Bowl this year. See him make the call in THIS VIDEO.

Vick is #1 in Jersey Sales: 6,140 Michael Vick Jerseys Sold

2009-09-10T03:38:00.000-07:00

Updating a previous post, Michael Vick has now surpassed Brett Favre as the leader in NFL jersey sales. Vick's home and away jerseys combined for a total of 6,140 sales for the week ending August 30. That's a lot of jersey sales for a guy whose been blacklisted at Dick's Sporting Goods. Read the full article online at The Boston Herald.

Vick, who served 18 months in federal prison for dogfighting charges, will not be reinstated until the third game of the season - a home game against the Kansas City Chiefs on Sept. 27. No doubt there will be lots of Vick jerseys at that game. And, perhaps nobody will be more excited for Vick's return than Donovan McNabb. Read his comments here. Only time will tell how all of this will work out. . .

Alex Smith - Signed

2009-09-09T08:50:00.000-07:00

As predicted, Alex Smith is now a Philadelphia Eagle. Tony Curtis looked decent against the Jets, but I'm much more comfortable having a proven red zone threat lining up in the double tight formation. Anyone else predict some fake-block delayed release to the corner of the end zone routes? More details on Alex Smith's signing.

Postseason Closers: A Look at This Decade's World Series Champs

2009-09-09T04:10:00.000-07:00

With 26 games left in the regular season, Brad Lidge is only 4 meltdowns away from tying the MLB single-season record of 14 blown-saves, a dubious distinction currently held by a quartet of relievers, two of which are Hall of Famers - Rollie Fingers, Bruce Sutter, Bob Stanley and Ron Davis. And indeed it looked like Lidge was on pace to narrow the gap again last night, when he loaded the bases and appeared to be on the verge of blowing his 11th save of the season.

But Charlie Manuel finally decided to yank his erratic closer.

Manuel said, "...I didn't have a very good feel about the game, and I made up mind I wanted to try Madson." So Charlie replaced Lidge with last year's "Bridge to Lidge", a risky move considering that Madson has had problems in the closer's role - coming into last night's game, Madson had blown more saves (5) than he'd converted (4). But Madson got the job done. He preserved the Phillies' two run lead and prevented the slumping NL East leaders from losing their fifth straight game.

So what does this mean for Lidge? Are we moving to a closer-by-committee scenario? And how does this all effect the Phillies' World Series aspirations? I decided to take a look at each championship team since 2000 and evaluate their Closers. There was some encouraging information there, for example. . .

Of the 8 Championship teams in the 2000's, four of them had 5 or more blown saves in the regular season, and two of those teams had at least 10 blown saves ('06 Cardinals, '03 Marlins). In fact, each World Series winner from 2003 - 2006 had at least 5 blown saves.

Also, half of the championship teams relied on unproven closers for the World Series. Here are the stories:

2006 Cardinals: Jason Isringhausen was the team's closer for the regular season. Isringhausen recorded 33 saves and 10 blown saves before getting sidelined by injury. Adam Wainwright took over for Isringhausen, and the rest is history. Wainwright, MLB's current wins leaders, had 4 postseason saves and allowed 0.00 earned runs over 9.2 innings of work.

2005 White Sox: Dustin Hermanson was the closer for the majority of the regular season when the south siders won the World Series. Hermanson had 34 saves, 5 blown saves, 5 holds and an ERA of 2.04. He then got injured and lost his job to Bobby Jenks, and Jenks did a great job in the postseason - 4 saves, 1 blown save and a 2.25 ERA.

2003 Florida Marlins: The regular season closer was Braden Looper. Looper had 28 saves and 8 blown saves before losing the job to Ugueth Urbina. Urbina wasn't perfect in the postseason - Despite blowing 2 saves, he converted 4 other saves and helped the Marlins to a World Series championship.

2001 Arizona Diamondbacks: Byung-Hyun was the team's closer. He had 19 regular season saves, but after blowing 2 save chances in the World Series, the Diamondbacks called on Randy Johnson in Game 7 - one night after picthing 7 innings in a Game 6 victory - to keep their championship hopes alive. Johnson came on in the top of the 8th with Diamondbacks trailing 2-1. He flyballed Knoblauch and retired the side. Then he came out again and retired the side 1-2-3 in the top of the ninth, setting the stage for Arizona's stunning 9th inning victory. Granted it wasn't a save situation, but it was the most important relief appearance of the year. Johnson got the win. Kim watched from the bench.

What does all this mean for the Phillies? It means that there is no precedent in place dictating that you have to have a perfect closer to win championships. Teams have won with patchwork approaches before, so if the Phillies have to run a mixture of Lidge, Madson, Meyers, Martinez and Moyer, so be it. Crazier things have happened. But what hasn't happened is this: No team in the last decade has made it to the playoffs with a closer whose ERA is above 4.00. Lidge's ERA is currently 7.15. And, when you combine his numbers with Madson's, the result is scary - 5.15 ERA and 15 Blown Saves. I can't say for certain, but I'm willing to bet that no team in MLB history has ever won a championship with those numbers.

First things first, though. The Phillies still need to need to make the playoffs, and things are looking grim. They've just been swept by the Astros and only scored a total of 3 runs in a 3 game series against the Giants. The offense needs to come alive, otherwise all this postseason bullpen talk will just be a giant waste of time.

Eagles Ranked 4th in ESPN Power Rankings

2009-09-08T14:30:00.000-07:00

ESPN.com released its NFL Power Rankings for week 1, and the Eagles are 4th on the list. The top 3 teams are the Steelers, Patriots and Giants with the Chargers rounding out the top 5. Apparently the ESPN.com gurus are more confident in the Eagles than the Phillly faithful are, as today on the 610WIP morning show callers predicted the Eagles would win (on average) just over 8 games this year, citing the health of the O-Line and questions about the middle linebacker and safety positions as areas of key concern. Neverthless, the Eagles have lots of weapons on offense, and I'm sure that's why they're ranked so high. Between Westbrook, Jackson, Curtis, McCoy, Celek, Maclin, Weaver and Avant, Reid and McNabb will have lots of weapons to tinker with. Let's just hope the O-Line gets consistent and healthy, and the defense can gel without mastermind Jim Johnson, spiritual leader Brian Dawkins, and leading tackler Stuart Bradley.

Vick Speaks to Students at Nuevo Esperanza Academy

2009-09-08T10:13:00.001-07:00

Michael Vick will address a class of 200 incoming freshmen at the Nuevo Esperanza Academy today. The topic: Dogfighting. Vick is set to share his experience with the students and discourage them from violence towards animals. All of this will make Jeffery Lurie happy, as Lurie maintains Vick's status on the team is 100% contingent on his work OFF the field. Vick will be accompanied by Wayne Pacelle, President of the Humane Society.

This all comes shortly after the Eagles circulated a draft plan to animal rights organizations that calls for "an immediate, widespread campaign to combat animal abuse in Philadelphia." Read more about the plan online at Philly.com.

Alex Smith - Eagles New TE?

2009-09-08T08:25:00.000-07:00

The Patriots have released Alex Smith. The former Tampa Bay TE was picked up in the off season in exchange for a fifth-round pick. Smith competed for roster spots with Benjamin Watson and Chris Baker. He lost, mostly because he sucks at blocking. He's a decent receiver, though. In 4 years with Tampa, Smith had 129 receptions for 1252 yards and 11 TDs. He averaged almost 10 yards per reception, and he only fumbled once. Not bad. It was rumored that Eagles were in talks with the Pats to make a trade - Feeley for Smith - but it appears both sides can get the players for free if they want. That is, of course, if the Giants don't beat the Birds to the punch. According to one source, Smith has already worked out for the Giants. It'll be interesting to see what happens with this, and if the Eagles feel Smith would add necessary depth to TE position.

Terrelle Pryor Loves Mike Vick

2009-09-08T06:51:00.000-07:00

Ohio State QB Terrelle Pryor expressed his support for Mike Vick by wearing Vick's name in his eye black. He then went into a press conference and said: "Not everybody is a perfect person in the world. Everyone does - kills people, murder people, steals from you, steals from me, whatever. I just that feel people need to give him a chance." Watch the video:

It's great the Pryor wants to honor and support an athlete he admires, but someone at Ohio State needs to teach the kid how to talk, perhaps one of his pre-law profs. That's right, Pryor is a Criminal Law major. Lesson number one: Be specific, Terrelle. Don't say everyone kills people and steals from you if that's not really what you mean.

Eagles Notes for Tuesday, Sept 8th

2009-09-08T04:12:00.000-07:00

Qunitin Demps got benched. Macho Harris will be the starting Free Safety on Sunday at Carolina. Macho is a rookie fifth round draft pick out of Virgina Tech who has never played Free Safety, but the Eagles coaching staff are impressed by his field intelligence as well as his tackling skills. Whereas Demps was often hesitant and sometimes an inept tackler, Harris plays with abandon and likes to lower his shoulder. Also, Macho had 15 career interceptions at Virgina Tech. Read more online here. And check out his college highlights below. No doubt dude has talent:

Shawn Andrews says he's ready to start on Sunday. He hasn't played a down of football in a year, but he hasn't lost his confidences. When asked how he feels about lining up against 4-time pro-bowler Julius Peppers, Andrews said: “I don’t want to get into a hissing match, but at the same time, I’m a beast too. It’s not a me and Peppers deal. It’s a team thing, but since you asked about the individual battle, I’m a beast too. So let the beasting begin, if you will.” Read the full article online here.

Desean Jackson aims to have a big year. When asked how he could improve upon his rookie season - 62 receptions for 912 yards and 2 TDs - Jackson said his plan is to double his number of receptions: "That's the plan - to double 62. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. But I'm definitely shooting for it. I know there's going to be competition, but that's the challenge. Me and Donovan [McNabb] are on the same page. He knows the type of receiver that I am and how I've developed in my second year." Read the full artcile online at the Inquirer.

Panthers fans have a lot to worry about this season. This is hopeful news for an Eagles team that has struggled mightily in the preseason. Get a rundown of Carolina's concerns in this article from The Star Online.

Phillies Pitching at a Glance

2009-09-04T08:22:00.000-07:00

In a 3-game series where the Giants outscored the Phillies by two runs, the Phillies still managed to steal two games and walk away the victors. And they only needed a total of three runs to do it.

How is this possible? Kick ass pitching. That's right, the Phillies pitching staff went toe-to-toe with the vaunted San Fran aces, and the Phils came out victorious. Things are looking good for the playoffs (as long as we stay healthy). Just look at the numbers:

Cole Hamels hasn't allowed a run 19 innings.

Pedro Martinez is 3-0 with 23 Ks since his first start on August 12th.

Happ is a leading NL rookie of the year candidate. At 10-4, he's only one win away from becoming the first Philly pitcher since 1980 to win 11 games.

Blanton has allowed just 3 runs or less in his last 12 starts.

Cliff Lee is 5 -1 with 2 complete games and 44 Ks since joining the squad.

Brad Lidge has converted all 3 of his last 3 save chances, and even though he leads the league in blown saves (9), he has still compiled 28 saves (just 8 less than the NL leader).

The Phils pitchers are all where they should be. If the bats come alive again, there's no stopping them.

Donovan McNabb IHOP Commerical

2009-09-04T07:51:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't already seen it, check out Donovan's new commercial - He's selling pancakes for IHOP. No Mama McNabb in these commercials.

All of this is part of IHOP's new partnership with the NFL. Larry Fitzgerald got roped in to film some commercials as well.

Here's the delicious IHOP NFL Menu:

-- AFC & NFC Stuffed French Toast: A football-shaped version of our
famous cinnamon raisin stuffed French toast filled with a sweet cream
center. Grilled and served on top of either cool AFC strawberries or
warm NFC blueberry compote. Served a la carte or with all the
favorites.

-- NFC Blueberry Banana Blitz: An NFC All-Pro lineup with two fluffy
buttermilk pancakes filled with blueberries, then piled high with more
blueberries, sliced fresh bananas and creamy whipped topping. Served a
la carte or with all the favorites.

-- AFC Strawberry Banana Blitz: An AFC All-Pro lineup with two fluffy
buttermilk pancakes stacked with strawberries, sliced fresh bananas and
creamy whipped topping. Served a la carte or with all the favorites.

-- MVP Quarterback Scramble: Has it all -- made with diced pork sausage
links, chopped bacon, diced ham, hash browns, diced jalapeños, cheddar
cheese and a splash of our famous buttermilk and wheat pancake batter
for an extra fluffy scramble. Served with two buttermilk pancakes.

-- Veteran Quarterback Scramble: A seasoned pro -- made with sliced
smoked sausage, hash browns, cheddar cheese and a splash of our famous
buttermilk and wheat pancake batter for an extra fluffy scramble.
Served with two buttermilk pancakes.

-- Rookie Quarterback Scramble: Still a little green and made with fresh
spinach, hash browns, cheddar cheese and a splash of our famous
buttermilk and wheat pancake batter for an extra fluffy scramble.
Served with two buttermilk pancakes.

-- Draft Pick Quarterback Scramble: A first-round choice for lighter
fare made with egg substitute, fresh spinach and grilled onions then
topped with roasted tomatoes and a sprinkle of parmesan cheese. Served
with a side of fresh fruit or whole wheat toast.

Sweet.

Curt Schilling Seeks Kennedy's Senate Seat?

2009-09-03T03:28:00.001-07:00

He can't be serious, can he? Read the article here. Wow, what a pompous prick. It's bad enough he has 3 world series rings. If he gets Kennedy's senate seat, the Red Sox Nation will have even greater exposure to the rest of the country, who mostly hate the BoSox. Do we really need Captain Masshole waxing philosophical with our tax dollars. Short answer, No. There's a reason '93 Phillies hated Schilling - Because he's a douchebag.

Osi is a Baby

2009-09-01T09:19:00.001-07:00

Good news for Eagles fans: Osi Umenyiora doesn't like his coach. Apparently Osi got in a fight with Defensive Coordinator Bill Sheridan and then left practice without telling anyone. As far as I can tell, Osi has it made - he gets $41 million to have temper tantrums and act like a baby.

Eagles fans should be pleased about this, because it's just another distraction for a Giants team that has seen more than its fair share of press lately - Plax gettin jail time, suspicions about Antonio Pierce's status in the league, Domenik Hixson dropping passes, the departure of Steve Spagnuolo and so on and so on.

If the distractions keeping piling on, the Giants D-Line might not actually realize how good they are, and then the Eagles battered O-Line would have a much easier time moving down the field. Remember when Osi sacked Donovan 6 times? Yeah, that sucked. Here's a ridiculous shot of Osi hugging some strippers:

Are we really gonna let this guy beat us? Hell no.

The Fans Have Spoken: Favre and Vick Top Selling Jerseys

2009-09-01T08:57:00.000-07:00

Brett Favre's Vikings jersey is the #1 selling jersey so far this year, and Mike Vick's Eagles jersey isn't far behind at #4. Pretty impressive stuff considering both guys signed with their teams so late in the preseason. Also, Dick's Sporting Goods refused to sell Vick's jersey, making it even more impressive that Vick could crack the top 5. Vick is the only Eagle who made the top 20 list. Read the full article online at CNBC.com.

Saturday Snapshots: The Big Piece, The Red Zone, and The Greatest Freakout Ever

2009-08-29T01:44:00.000-07:00

This time last year Brad Lidge was perfect, converting 32 straight save opportunities. And Cole Hamels was 11 - 8. But how was the team doing? On this date last year, the Phils had lost three straight (one to the Mets and two the sCrUBs) and were 2 games behind the Mets in the NL East. Relive the misery here. This year we're 22 games over .500 with an 8 game lead over Florida and Atlanta, who are tied for second. We're only a 1/2 game back of the Dodgers for the best record in the National League. So people can worry about Lidge and Hamels all they want, but the reality is we have a nasty team and there's an entire month of regular season ball left. They'll get themselves right for October. So quit whining. Go to dollar dog night and enjoy yourself.

Speaking of Lidge. . .The Phils struggling closer showed up to the park last night sporting a sweet new haircut, which he thinks will inspire him to pitch better. Looks like the buzzcut helped, too, as Lidge pitched a perfect ninth inning, earning his 26th save in the Phils 4-2 victory over Atlanta.

Maybe Raul Ibanez needs a haircut, too. Ibanez has just 9 hits in his last 61 at-bats and only 1 HR in his last 96 at-bats. This is a guy who started off the season by hitting 20 HRs in 56 games - the fastest a Philadelphia player has ever reached the 20HR mark.

Ryan Howard is "The Big Piece". I hadn't heard this, but I think it's kind of funny. Read the Jim Salisbury article online at Philly.com. And indeed Howard is doing all he can to keep this team atop the NL East. He's batting .339 with 11 HRs and 29 RBIs in his last 15 games.

The Eagles preseason victory over the Jags was misleading at best, as both the offense and the defense failed to fire on all cylinders. Of course the big story was Michael Vick, but to focus on his performance - completed 4 of 4 passes for a total of 19 yards - would be a waste of time. Yeah, he played and everyone including myself was excited to see what he could do, but his presence wasn't enough to right the O's miscues, fumbleities and overall flacid red-zone performance.

The Red Zone was a huge problem for the Eagles last year, and Thursday's game against the Jags didn't indicate things would get better any time soon. In their first three red zone possessions, the starters went FG, fumble (recovered for TD), and FG. That just flat out sucks. All last year we had to suffer and watch the Eagles lose close games that they should have won if they could just score actual TDs inside the 20 yard line. Anyone remember the Bears game last year? If not, refresh your memory. I was there, and I never want to witness anything so limp-dicked again. In 2008, the Eagles went 9 - 6 -1, and in those 6 losses they only lost one game by more than a TD. If you take out that horrible Ravens game, the Eagles lost, on average, by 5.2 points. Those are games we could've should've won if we had any success in the friggin red zone. I love David Akers, but if I have to watch him kick field goals from the 12 yard line all season, I'm gonna cut my eyeballs out.

Todd Herremanns, who could be a huge help moving the line in the red zone, had to undergo foot surgery yesterday. I really hope he gets healthy soon and that the O-Line will actually play together as a complete unit before, hmm, week 6?!? Is that too much to ask?

Amid all that, McNabb looked pretty sharp for the most part. His numbers are impressive for three quarters of play - 21/36, 244 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT.

Did I mention the Eagles suck in the red zone? Let me reiterate how badly they suck in the red zone. I don't want anyone to read this any walk away without fully comprehending how much of a problem the red zone is for the eagles. As reported in The Morning Call: The Eagles ranked 22nd in the league inside the 20 last season. And so far this preseason, they went 3 of 8 against the Jags, 0 for 2 against Indy, and 2 for 5 against New England. To sum it up, the Eagles need an answer for the Red Zone. Is the answer Mike Vick? Maybe. Is it Brent Celek or LeSean McCoy? I hope so. Is it Tony Curtis? Definitely not.

In other news. . .

I found a great site called Lamebook that you should all check out. Basically it just highlights all the idiots on facebook. Try and find the post for "Fun Day", but, be warned, it's only for the brave of heart.

And last but not least, check out Deadspin's NFL preview of the Packers. If you can't laugh at this there's something wrong with you.

Oh and here's a video you will enjoy:

335 Pounds of Twisted Steel & Sex Appeal

2009-08-27T06:43:00.000-07:00

Shawn Andrews is giddy. Stacy Andrews is "glappy". And all Eagles fans should be terrified. Say goodbye to Runyan and Tra; Say hello to crazy town.

First there's Shawn, the "Big Kid" with the orange "Brohawk". He missed all of last summer's training camp while battling depression, sat out most of the regular season after undergoing back surgery and has yet to practice this season because of back pain. He hasn't played a down of football since September 15th, 2008 (that horrible 37-41 loss to the Cowboys) and yet the Eagles, in an effort to make him more comfortable, went out this offseason and picked up both his brother and his college roommate to join him on the Eagles new O-Line. And what did Shawn Andrews do? He posted youtube videos of himself rapping in his basement. Check out this masterpiece called "Get Your Michael Phelps On".

And of course there's this one, where he refers to himself as as "335 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal". I have to admit that Andrews is entertaining in Clinton Portis kind of way.

One doesn't want to mock someone who really may be mentally ill, and Andrews has been very public about his bout with depression. Some armchair psychiatrists have made the argument that his recent flamboyance is a byproduct of prescription medications gone awry. And if that's the case, he should get all the help he needs. But if he's just being weird for weirdness sake, the Eagles should set his ass loose and go find someone else to protect McNabb. If you're injured, you're injured. You do your rehab work and you shut your mouth until you're ready to play again. You don't go around drawing attention to how crazy you are, and, oh yeah, that you haven't played football in forever.

And then you've got Stacy Andrews, who has recently coined the term "Glappy", a mixture of glad and happy. I'll give him a pass, though, because he was talking about playing alongside his brother, and if that happens in time for the season opener at Carolina, I'll be glappy as well. I'll be the glappiest guy in London. Because when Shawn Andrews is healthy, he's a pro-bowler. And you need pro-bowlers to win championships. Jason Peter is a pro-bowl caliber player as well, so that makes me double glappy.

We just need them healthy. And preferably sane. If that happens, then whole team get their Michael Phelps on.

Little Leaguer Wants to Hurt People

2009-08-26T06:37:00.000-07:00

Check out this video of a little league pitcher asking his coach if he can peg the next batter.

Now, read the following two articles. One from Stupid Sports Blog and one from Deadspin. I agree with the Deadspin writer, who says (bluntly), "...it's hard not to sympathize with a 12-year-old who just messed up the biggest moment of his life in front of a national TV audience. Sometimes sportsmanship can go take a fucking hike."

Today's Giant 6 Year Old

2009-08-26T04:07:00.001-07:00

The Hostile Loner:

Cliff Lee is The Comparison King

2009-08-25T07:34:00.000-07:00

Cliff Lee is off to an unbelievable start in the NL. Since joining the Phillies, he's gone 5-0 with 39Ks and a 0.68 ERA. And he's only walked 6 batters. Those are the kinds of numbers that make stat geeks get all hot bothered, and when they're done wiping the drool off their lips, they feel the need to somehow put Lee's numbers in perspective. And so begin the comparisons. . .

But comparisons are nothing new to Beast Lee. Even before he was traded to Philly, 99.9% of fans calling into 610WIP said they would rather have Roy Halladay. As far as they were concerned, Lee was merely a runner-up to the grand prize Halladay. I was one of those fans, and I'm happy to admit I was an idiot.

And then he was a Philly. He won 4 straight games and the comparisons to Sabathia started popping up. It makes sense, as the two aces have a lot in common. Both Cy Young winners, both former Cleveland Indians, both traded to NL teams, both start 4-0, etc, etc.

And then Lee won his fifth game. Now he's drawing comparisons to the greatest Lefty to ever pitch in the city of brotherly love. Check out this article by Rich Hoffman. If nothing else, all of this proves that Lee is a premier pitcher, and that Philly fans should sing his praises - because he won't sing his own. The ever humble Lee had this to say about his fifth win: :"It was already an unbelievable team before I got here. That's made it easy for me." Now that's a class act.

Eagles Sign TE Tony Curtis

2009-08-25T05:22:00.000-07:00

Did the Eagles really sign an already injured TE to compete for the spot left vacant by Cornelius Ingram? You bet they did. Check out the article here.

One has to wonder what the Eagles can really expect to get out of Curtis. Since entering the NFL in 2005, he only has 11 career receptions for a total of 50 yards.

Interesting fact: In the 2007 season, Curtis only caught 3 passes, all of them touchdowns . One of those TDs was a 1 yard pass from Romo in the Cowboys 38 - 17 manhandling of the Eagles at the Linc.

Monday Funday

2009-08-24T02:43:00.000-07:00

PHILLIES

Eric Bruntlett snagged a piece of glory yesterday by becoming only the 2nd player in MLB history to turn a game-ending, unassisted triple play. Here's the play:

With the triple play, Bruntlett saved the game for struggling closer, Brad Lidge. Had that ball gotten through the infield, Lidge would have eaten his 9th blown save. As it stands, though, Lidge earned his 25th save and the Phillies are now 6.5 games ahead of 2nd place Atlanta.

Cliff Lee will go for his 5th straight win in the NL tonight, as he takes the mound against Bobby Parnell in the series finale against the Mets. Cliff Lee is a Cy Young winner. Parnell is a relief pitcher. My money is on Lee.

Jayson Werth killed me in fantasy baseball last week. Look at his stats -- Runs (7), HR (5), RBI (9), TB (29), AVG (.440). Those are video game stats, courtesy of the Mets and Diamondbacks. He's hit more HRs in the last 30 days than he hit during the entire 2007 season. One has to wonder if the Phils will be able to keep him around in 2010. Read about the outfield problem in a good articled at The Good Phight.

EAGLES
The Eagles failed to impress anyone in their 2nd straight preseason loss, a 23 - 15 drumming handed down by Peyton Manning and the Colts. Everyone, including the coach and QB, are concerned about injuries to key players such as Westbrook, Leonard Weaver, and, oh yeah, the entire offensive line. But as Bob Brookover writes, it isn't time to panic just yet.

Michael Vick will probably be under center for some snaps against the Jags on Thursday. So obviously he's making progress on the field. But what about off the field? If we're to believe Jeffery Lurie, Vick's place on the roster is contingent upon his role in the community, particularly with regards to working in partnership with the human society. So far nothing of the sort has happened. However, meetings are planned to take place today at the NovaCare complex. Vick will not attend the meeting, though that decision wasn't his. Sal Paolantino explains in this article at ESPN.

OTHER NFL NOTES
Brett Favre made his first appearance as a Viking in a preseason matchup against the Chiefs. Favre went 1-4 for with 4 yards passing. I've always been a Favre apologist, but this time around it's really hard to stomach. Why can't all hall-of-fame-caliber athletes go out like Mike Schmidt? Prepare a speech, give as much of it as you can, and then retire. For good. You didn't see Michael Jack try to make a comeback with Mets, did you? No, beacuse Mike Schmidt isn't an idiot.

Jay Cutler had a stellar performance against the Giants on Saturday night. The Bears new QB completed 8 of 13 passes for 121 yards and a TD. If Cutler can keep his head together, and if Orlando Pace doesn't fall apart after 5 games, Chicago could be a tough team to beat this year. Matt Forte is a monster.

Brandon Marshall wants out of Denver. Meanwhile, Kyle Orton did his best to assure Denver fans he doesn't totally suck. After throwing three picks in three straight series last week against San Fran, Orton responded adequately against the Seahwaks. He completed 18 of 26 passes for 182 yards and a TD. He also threw an interception. Expect some fireworks next week when Jay Cutler and the Bears come to Denver next week.

Today's Giant 6 Year Old

2009-08-23T13:11:00.001-07:00

Spotted outside the Supermarket on our High Street. He appears to be counting his change in hopes that there's enough there to purchase a sugary Cadbury bar!

Giant 6 Year Old Report Card
Accessories: An actual adult pair of sunglasses (stolen from Dad)

Outfit: The "Husky Bully"look: Matching oversized shirt and short set. Colors are bright white to accentuate the appearance of grass stains (which are earned by giving noogies to nerds in the park).

Haircut: Self-shaved head
Posture: Quasimodo slouch

Final Grade: B

Today's Giant 6 Year Old

2009-08-22T02:39:00.001-07:00

Today's Giant 6 year old was spotted in the train station near our house. I had to be careful when taking this one's photo, as he looked lost and confused (which is a recipe for a nasty tantrum).

Giant 6 Year Old Report Card
Accessories: Funny backpack (can bee seen on the ground in front of him). What you can't see are the buttons featuring SpongeBob, Captain Kirk and Lindsay Lohan.

Outfit: Gym-uniform-chique: T-shirt tucked into short-shorts. Sneakers with long laces double-knotted.

Haircut: The Angry Roman
Posture: Defiant sulk (usually seen when child is sentenced to five minutes in the time-out corner).

Final Grade: A+

Saturday Snapshots: True Blood, Massholes and More

2009-08-22T00:56:00.000-07:00

A quick list of all things that are a.) relevant to Philly sports; or b.) irrelevant to Philly sports.

Billy Wagner is claimed off waivers by the Red Sox. Ken Rosenthal reports in full at Fox Sports. Rosenthal's post is clear and informative, though it's a bit too unbiased. What Rosenthal should have said was, "Billy Wagner Claimed by Massholes".

Quinten Mikell wins this week's "Captain Obvious" award. In an interview about the Eagles preseason embarrassment in Indy, Mikell said, "I think we need to just get back to basics". By basics, Mikell means not allowing a team's #1 receiver to run 76 yards completey untouched. Let's hope Ellis Hobbs figures this defense out.

After learning of Plaxico's 2-year prison sentence, his Giants teammates were "Surprised and Saddened", claiming his celebrity worked against him and that the cops would have looked the other way if Plax were just regular everyday normal guy (see video below). Are the Giants players actually suggesting that ordinary civilians get preferential treatment from law enforcement officers? If so, every player on the roster deserves to have his testicles removed by force.

Cole Hamels continues to struggle on the mound for the Phillies. In last night's loss to the Mets, Hamels gave up 10 hits and 4 runs in just 5 innings of sub-par slinging. As noted on The Good Phight, Hamels last won on July 28, against the Diamondbacks; since then, he's gone 5.0, 5.1, 6.0, and 5.0 innings, and the team has lost all four games. I'm not worried about the Kid Cole, though. He's a World Series MVP with nasty junk and a super hot wife. He's bound to pull it all together.

True Blood has reached London and my wife is obsessed. I watch the show online with her, and while she tries to decide who she likes better - Sam or Bill or Eric - I can't help but to wonder which southern freakshow would be best on the Eagles. Immediatley eliminate Sam, as he lacks superhuman speed and couldn't shape-shift while wearing pads (nobody wants to see a nude guy on the gridiron). Then eliminate Bill because he is too short and has an awkard haircut. He is also whipped by Sookie and probably wouldn't be able to focus in team meetings. Jason Stackhouse is a good natural athlete, but again he lacks superhuman speed. Sookie could actually be useful in a cheat-like-the-patriots kind of way, but she isn't violent enough. This leaves Eric, the viking vampire who always wears a lame tank top. Attire aside, Eric would be perfect in the Eagles secondary. He's freakishly fast and won't get beat by Larry Fitzgerald. He's above average height and has an amazing 60-foot vertical jump. Most importantly, though, he loves to dominate people. Eric is the winner.

Vick's Brother Gets 20 Days in Jail

2009-08-21T08:29:00.000-07:00

Michael Vick's less talented younger brother, Marcus, failed to meet the requirements of his probation and was sentenced to 20 days in jail (Read the story here). Nobody seems to care, though, because he isn't as good at football as his older brother.

Other highlights from Marcus Vick's completely unremarkable career include:

- Swamp stomping Elvis Dumervil in the Gator Bowl

- flipping the middle finger to fans at WVU

- a statutory rape trial

- expulsion from Virgina Tech

- claiming he was a better QB than Leinart and Cutler and then. . .

- not getting drafted in the 2006 draft

- brief stint on the Dolphins practice squad followed by. . .

- recognition of total failure

Giant 6 Year Olds

2009-08-21T06:48:00.001-07:00

We're introducing a new daily post at Philthy Pride called "Today's Giant 6 Year Old". Living in London, I don't get to watch all the sports I want to (most Phillies games aren't on until 1am), so, as a means of passing the time, I've started taking photos of grown men who look like children. I find these men to be hilarious. Some of them actually resemble children, and others just dress like 2nd graders. Either way, it's hysterical.

Three quick facts to help you find a Giant 6 Year Old in your neighborhood:
- They can usually be found at train-stations or in line at the supermarket
- They often wear funny accessories, like woven belts, magoo glasses, and/or tiny backpacks
- They don't move their arms when they walk

Now to the good stuff. .

Here's "Today's Giant 6 Year Old"

Today's giant 6 year old was spotted in SoHo. The image is a little blurry because I had to snap the photo while riding by on my bike.

Giant 6 Year Old Report Card

Accessories: Hysterical backpack; oversized belt double-wrapped and tucked into back pocket; Funny white sneakers
Outfit: Short sleeved button down tucked into too-tight Khakis
Haircut: Styled like Millhouse from the Simpsons
Posture: Holding in a number 2

Final Grade: A-

Ocho Cinco: Kicks Field Goals, Loves Eagles

2009-08-21T04:01:00.000-07:00

Remember how everyone was gossipmongering about the Eagles making a bid for Chad Ocho Cinco? If not, refresh your memory here. Maybe if we knew he was a 5 tool football stud (1. Speed, 2. Cool Haircut, 3. Sweet Nickname, 4. Gold teeth, 5. Kicking ability), we may have actually signed him. I couldn't believe it when I saw the video. He can actually kick. See for yourself in this video from NFL.com.

But oh well, Chad Ocho Cinco has to admire the Eagles from afar. And admire he does. Just check out his comment on Twitter.

Chad Ocho Cinco, we know you love our team, but the feeling isn't mutual. We love you in a different kind of way. We love you in the way people like watching old men get kicked in the balls. It's amusing as long as it doesn't directly affect us. So keep being crazy...somewhere else.

SWEEP - Blanton Beats 'Backs then Gets Licked by Girl

2009-08-21T02:06:00.001-07:00

Big Joe pitched 8 innings, striking out 4 batters and surrendering only 3 earned runs in the Phillies' dismantling of the D-Backs last night. Ryan Howard, Jayson Werth and Carlos Ruiz each hit home runs, and the Phillies capped off their 3 game SWEEP of Arizona with a brutal 12 - 3 beatdown at Citizens Bank Park. For the series, the Phils outscored the D-Backs 25-5. Thanks for playing, Arizona. Now crawl back to the barren wasteland from whence you came.

Big Joe was glad to have some run support (read good article here). After the game, Big Joe celebrated by letting female fans lick his face:

Next up, the Phils take on the Mets in NY. The series begins with the Kid Cole (7-7) taking on Mike Pelfrey (8-8). The last Hamels / Pelfrey matchup was a 5-4 extra inning victory for the Phillies. Pelfrey actually outpitched Hamels in that game, but he ended up earning a no-decision as the Mets bullpen characteristically imploded and surrendered the lead.

Other notable moment from that game: Chase Utley, who hit two HRs in the 11 inning come-from-behind win, skillfully pissed off Pelfrey by calling timeout during an at bat. When question about the incident, Pelfrey said: "I was ready to make a pitch and he called timeout. I got upset and told him to get in the box. I don’t even know the guy. I was just trying to compete and execute a pitch. I got caught up in the moment. I probably shouldn’t have said anything." Poor baby. I hope Chase hits another 2 tonight.

My prediction: Phillies tear it up and get their second straight sweep.

The Redskins Suck

2009-08-20T09:28:00.000-07:00

Great article from Deadspin explaining why the Redskins suck. And, having lived in DC for one VERY long year, I can agree with most of what the writer says. In fact, this article is more of an attack on DC than it is on the Redskins, which is okay with me because DC is nothing more than a bombed out ghetto freckled with a few pockets of extreme wealth, where guys like this A-hole drink Michelob Ultra and argue about whose collar is popped better.

DC doesn't deserve A-List athletes like Jason Campbell and Chris Cooley. Those guys should be Eagles. We could run a 3 QB wildcat with 2 tight ends. Think big, Andy. Go big or go home, right?

Read the FULL ARTICLE HERE.

CLIFF LEE IS THE DAY MAN, FIGHTER OF THE NIGHT MAN

2009-08-20T04:08:00.000-07:00

Cliff Lee is a stone cold killer. Last night he handcuffed the Diamondbacks, allowing only 2 hits and racking up a career-best 11 strikeouts over 9 innings of jaw-dropping nastiness. The message to the National League is clear: Respect the Beast!

And stop comparing him to C.C. Sabathia. Yes, there are similarities: Both won the Cy Young award with the Cleveland Indians, only to be traded away to NL teams the following year. Both started 4 - 0 with their respective NL teams. And both are left handed. But that's where the comparisons stop. The question of whether Lee will be as good as Sabathia in the NL is a stupid one. And the answer's easy: Yes. And, actually, he's outperforming Sabathia. Look at the numbers through four games:

Both are rad to the power of sick, but Lee is a just little bit sicker. Plus, Sabathia looks like a warthog in a baseball uniform:

This in no way means Sabathia isn't one of the baddest badasses toeing the bump in MLB. He we was lights out for Milwaukee last year (11 wins, 2 losses, 1.65 ERA, 7 complete games, 3 shut outs and 128 K's). It just means that Lee is better through his first four games. And so you know, Sabathia earned a no decision in his fifth start for the Brewers, a 6-4 loss to the Cubbies.

And the real reason we don't want to compare Lee to Sabathia is that Sabathia wasn't able to get it done in the postseason. Remember when he gave up 5 runs to the Phils in the 2nd inning of game 2 in the NLDS last year? Oooooo yeah. Let's hope Lee does better than that.

All this to say, Cliff Lee is a Philly hero so far. He is the Day Man, fighter of the Night Man, champion of the sun, master of karate and friendship...for everyone!

ROCKY FAN GOES BANANAS IN LONDON

2009-08-20T02:13:00.000-07:00

Rocky Balboa is an international superhero whose awesomness brought us the greatest training montage in cinematic history. Other highlights on his resume include:

Single-handedly winning the Cold War for the U.S.
Multiple sweaty hugs with Carl Weathers
Handing Mr. T. the only beatdown he's ever received

But nobody, not even Sly Stallone, could predict Rocky's influence would reach beyond mere humans. But it has. Check out the video below, as Fergus the gorilla replicates the infamous "Flying High Now" montage in London, England:

I wonder if Fergus will head to the rocky shores along the English coast to film the montage from Rocky III. He'll need a sweet yellow tanktop:

LARRY KING IS A TURD

2009-08-19T13:17:00.000-07:00

I just saw THIS ARTICLE on the 700Level and it confirmed my suspicion that Larry King is a total turd. Larry King hates Eagles fans. He thinks we would boo a cure for cancer.

Larry King is just another media tool talking out of his ass without actually knowing anything about Philly fans. Yes, we have a reputation for being tough on our athletes, but if I have to listen to another comment like, "The Eagles fans booed Santa Clause", I might throw up on my shoes. That was about a million years ago and has nothing to do with the current state of affairs.

Wait, before I exonerate us completely. . .

The worst incident I can actually remember witnessing was at an Eagles/Giants game. This was back at the Vet when they had all the port-a-pottys. Some loudmouth in a Tiki Barber jersey went to drain himself and some rowdy fans tipped the port-a-potty. Needless? Yes. Hostile? Yes. Funny? Hell yes.

But again, that was before Lincoln Financial Field came along, before the Eagles became a preeminent contender year in and year out. And as the team matured into a nationally recognized powerhouse among NFL franchises, the fans matured as well. Meanwhile, dudes in Chicago are chucking beer on Shane Victorino:

And that's "The Friendly Confines"? Gimme a break.

Now don't get me wrong, I love Chicago (lived there for 5 years and went to about 30 games at Wrigley) but I think it's clear that the North Siders' century-long champion-less streak has Cubs fans teetering on the edge of sanity. . .

Anyway, I think more people should give Larry King the Jerry Seinfeld treatment:

GET NAILED: LENNY DYKSTRA LOSES EVERYTHING

2009-08-19T06:41:00.000-07:00

Lenny Dykstra filed for bankruptcy on July 7th, bringing a close to his brief stint as a financial guru.

After retiring from baseball, Nails went on to make a ton of money. He invested in a SoCal car wash chain that he later sold for millions, bought a mansion once owned by Wayne Gretzky, launched a glossy investing mag for pro athletes called The Players Club, and was featured on HBO's Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel for his savvy business strategies. Dykstra even earned praise from long-time Phillies fan/wall street pundit Jim Cramer:

But then it all went to hell. You can read all the details in this article at The Smoking Gun.

I love Lenny Dykstra. I love that he beat the crap out of Rick Dempsey at home plate. I love that he batted .400 all the way into June in '91. I love that he always had a giant wad of tobacco in the corner of his mouth, and that he spit so much that he permanently stained the turf in centerfield at the Vet.

But a financial wizard? I had my doubts. This video in particular had me guessing. To this day, I still don't know what it's promoting:

Nevertheless, I wish the best for Nails. Hopefully he can pull himself out of this and come back to entertain the general public in some other way. I'd love to hear him in the booth, actually, but I doubt he'd be able to tone down the language for national broadcasts. But you never know with Dysktra, because he lives by the motto of the '93 Phils - Whatever It Takes Dude!

Pete Incaviglia: Forgotten Phillies

2009-08-18T06:30:00.001-07:00

For every Ryan Howard, there’s a Ricky Jordan. And at Philthy Pride, we want to remember those players who -- for whatever reason -- seem to have slipped through the cracks of our collective sporting memory. And who better to start with than Pete Incavigilia, the greasy mulleted slugger we all knew and loved as “Inky”?

Inky probably isn’t the first name that comes to mind when you think of the infamous ’93 Phillies. Like most people, you probably conjure up the likes of Kruk, Daulton, Dykstra and The Wild Thing. You might even think of Mickey Morandini, the duck-faced speedster 2nd Baseman who hit 9 triples that season.

Or you might think of Dave Hollins, the box jawed 3rd baseman who – if it weren’t for Dutch – would have led the team in RBIs (93) and, sadly, strike outs (109) . At best, Inky is one of those “oh yeah, him!” guys that you only remember when you’re discussing the top 10 funniest Phillies haircuts or fattest outfielders ever.

But Inky was the man.

The legend of Incaviglia began at OSU with the young slugger’s amazing college career. He had the most impressive offensive year in NCAA history as a junior in 1985 when he set NCAA single-season records for home runs (48), RBI (143), total bases (285) and slugging percentage (.915) all of which still stands today. In addition he set the NCAA career records for home runs (100) and slugging percentage (.915). In 1999, Baseball America named Inky “College Baseball’s Player of the Century”. GLORY!

Inky was drafted by the Expos in ’86 and blatantly refused to play minor league baseball. The Expos traded him to Texas, where Inky went on to hit 30 HRs (10th best in the league). As a result of the Expos trading Incaviglia immediately after signing him, MLB instituted the “Pete Incaviglia Rule”, whereby a team cannot trade a drafted player until he has been under contract to the club for at least one year. Again, GLORY!

Inky arrived in Philly in ’93, just in time for one of the greatest baseball seasons in Philadelphia history. And he did his part to help the team, cracking a team-leading 24 HRs in just 369 appearances at the plate. Darren Daulton hit 24 HRs as well, but he had 510 At-Bats. Inky posted a decent .274 average (5th best on the team) while amassing 89 RBI’s (3rd highest on team, behind Dutch and Hollins.

But he sucked in the postseason. In the NLCS against the Braves, Inky batted .167, going 2 for 12 with 1 solo HR and 3 strike outs. In the World Series, he batted just .143, going 1 for 7 and striking out 4 times as the Phillies lost to Blue Jays. Who could forget the image of Joe Carter trotting the bases. . .still makes me sick. . .

Other notable facts about Inky:
He led the league in strike outs in both 1986 and 1988, and he struck out a total of 1,277 times in his career. Ouch. Despite those numbers, he finished his career in 1998 with 206 HRs, 655 RBIs, and a .246 batting average.

Wonder where he is now? Inky is the Field Manager for the Grand Prairie AirHogs, part of the American Association of Independent Professional Baseball. His nephew, Thomas, is a rookie LHP on the team.

Billy Wagner's a Rat

2009-08-17T11:37:00.000-07:00

I'm surprised at the number Phillies "fans" who are making the case to bring back one of the toothiest rats in recent Phil's history - Billy Wagner, the hard-throwing hillbilly who in 2005 famously blasted his Philly teamates, claiming they were more worried about how their hair looked than they were about winning games (an obvious shot at Pat Burrell). He also said the Phillies "ain't got a chance" of making the playoffs and criticized his teammates for not having enough intensity, saying they quit when they got behind.

But the joke was on Billy, who in 2006 signed with the cockroaches up the road, The New York Mets. He was so excited to be in bagel town, he allowed this ridiculous photo to be taken of himself:

What a turd.

But what's funnier is that after saying the Phils quit when they were behind, the Mets decided to quit while they were ahead. And not once, but twice!

In 2007 the NY Mets led the NL East by 7 games with only 17 games left to play, but they imploded and suffered the worst collapse in MLB history. They went 5 - 12 down the stretch, sacrificing the division title to our beloved Philadelphia Phillies.

And then in 2008 they choked all over again. The were ahead by 3.5 games with 17 to go, and this time they went 7 - 10 down the stretch. We all know what happened next - the Phightins reaped the benefits, advancing to the playoffs and winning the October Classic. Here's a little reminder:

Who's the guy in the middle of that celebration?

Oh yeah, Phillies closer Brad Lidge. The guy who converted 48 of 48 saves in 2008. He's the same guy who this year is struggling with a league leading 8 blown saves. He's the guy who every time he turns on the radio has to listen to people - when they're not screaming into the phone about Mike Vick - say he's lost his edge and that the Phils should go out and get George Sherril, or maybe we should give Tyler Walker a shot. And he has to read articles like THIS (which is actually pretty funny). But worst of all, he now has to listen to his fans - the same fans who ran Billy Wagner out of town in a flaming wheelbarrow - call in to 610 WIP and say "Hey, maybe we should get Wagner from the Mets."

Anyone who thinks Wagner deserves a spot on the Phillies is insane. So what if he's a lefty and can throw 100mph fastballs? He's a scumbag. I'd rather have old-man Moyer lobbing lollipops in the 9th. And we've got Romero coming back soon too, so there's your hard throwing lefty.

Lidge will bounce back. He's a fixture in a good clubhouse and, as long as he's not injured, Charlie Manuel will use some weird West Virginian way of remedying the situation. Most importantly, though, the Phillies aren't the '07 Mets. They won't blow the lead. And now that that we know we can actually win championships in Philadelphia, Philly fans shouldn't expect them to. The curse is over. Let's enjoy it.

The Silent Dance: Flashback to the 2004 NFC Championship Game

2009-08-16T03:10:00.000-07:00

I saw footage of McNabb and Vick at pracice together yesterday, and it got me thinking about the last time they shared the field in a meaningful way. It was a freezing night in Philadelphia - just 17 degrees at kickoff with winds gusting through The Link at about 35 mph - and the Eeagles were attempting to do something they hadn't done in three prior consecutive title game appearances.: WIN.

Their Super Bowl aspirations had been cut short by the Rams, the Bucs, and the Panthers, and there was a distinct sense of urgency amongst the Philly Faithful to get over the hump and arrive at the big show before, as the broadcasters would tell you, the window of opportunity closed for good.

And even though we'd said "This is the year!" every other year, the 2004 season was different. It really WAS the year. It all began with the city embracing the arrival of Terrel Owens, the freakishly talented receiver who gave McNabb the offensive weapon he'd been dreaming about for years (no disrespect to Pinkston or Greg Lewis).

The McNabb-Ownes combo was deadly. McNabb zoned on his new favorite target, and T.O. grabbed himself 77 receptions for 1200 yards and 14 TDs. To put it in perspective, between the two of them, they scored more passing TDs than the offenses of the Ravens (13), Giants(12) and Chicago Bears (9).

The Eagles defense, led by Weapon-X Brian Dawkins, was equally nasty. They ranked 2nd in sacks (behind Atlanta), 2nd in points per game, 2nd in total points allowed and 3rd in yards per pass attempt. They were big, fast and the blitzed a lot. And they loved the big hit, like the one Dawk put on Crumpler below. For a better view, go to this VIDEO.

The Eagles cruised the regular season with an impressive 13-3 record. Then they abused the Vikings in the playoffs, bringing us to the NFC Championship Game against the Falcons. The game itself would prove meaningful to me in a number of ways, as I'm sure it did for many Eagles fans all over the Delaware Valley.

My brothers and I had been going to Eagles games with my dad since before Zubaz were popular. He'd load one or two or all three of us into the car, and we'd head down to the Vet and sit up in the nosebleed section to watch our beloved birds - more often than not - get blasted by the visiting team. But we did witness greatness in the individual efforts of Reggie White, Randall Cunningham, Jerome Brown, Seth Joyner and so on. More important than all of that, though, was the fact that football was the medium through which we connected with our father. Some dads take their kids fishing, or they teach them how to play the guitar. Our Dad loved football - specifically the Eagles - so his boys learned to love the gridiron as well.

And it wasn't just the spectacle of going to the game that was significant. We were completely consumed by Eagles football, even when they sucked. Dad would drive me to school in the mornings, and every morning we'd listening to 610 WIP and debate ridiculous topics like whether or not Mike Mamula would ever live up to expectation. We ran routes in the backyard, me playing Keith Jackson to his Randall Cunningham. We'd rush home from my Sunday soccer games to catch the end of the game on the TV, but sometimes we'd just sit in the car and listen to Merril Reese call the game on the radio, because, as Dad would tell you, not every city has someone like Merril Reese in the booth. Have a listen HERE.

And of course when my mom had the tumor in her back that the doctors said she may not survive, Eagles football provided us a necessary escape. We had a tradition of doing "The Freak Out Dance" whenever the Eagles scored. The Freak Out Dance basically consisted of me and my brother throwing our arms around like spastic drug addicts and screaming nonsensical words in a uniquely pre-adolescent tongue. It kind of looked like THIS, but not really. Obviously with Mom being sick and needing rest, we couldn't have full on freak outs whenever Herschel Walker found the end zone, so we had to invent something called "The Silent Dance", whereby we could spaz out appropriately, but not in a way that would wake up Mom. The Silent Dance was born from tough circumstances, but Mom made it through all that, and the Silent Dance is still alive and well, though we only invoke it under special circumstances. If you want an idea of what the Silent Dance looks like, check out this little GARGOYLE CHILD (though again, this isn't a perfect example).

So when the Eagles made it to their 4th consecutive NFC championship game in 2004, Dad wanted us to be there. By that time he was a season ticket holder and had 4 seats, so Dad and I drove down to 30th Street Station and met my older brother and his wife who had come down from NY for the game. The four of us piled into the subway train and arrived at Lincoln Financial Field knowing that this team. . .this year. . .they would WIN.

And they did. I won' recap the whole game, but you can see all the highlights HERE. Make note of how badly the Defense abused Vick, our newest teammate, ha ha.

By the end of the night it was freezing and none of us could feel our toes or our fingertips. I had screamed so much it felt like someone had jammed a glass bottle down my throat and then stomped on it. And we looked like circus freaks, like giant green snowmen - wearing our Eagles jerseys on top of our winter coats (me in McNabb, brother in Akers*, sis-in-law in Westbrook, Dad doesn't believe in jerseys, strangely). So we looked and felt terrible, but there was place any of us would rather have been at that moment, because finally, after years of disappointment, my brother and I were able to high-five our Dad and celebrate an actual NFC Championship. As Byron Evans would say, How 'Bout That!

I'm hoping we can actually get together and celebrate a Super Bowl victory sometime soon, but meanwhile I'll just help my brother teach my Godson/Nephew the Silent Dance so that Dad's greatest football invention gets passed on down through the generations.

Anti-Vicks and Vick-O-Philes

2009-08-15T11:51:00.000-07:00

Like it or not, Michael Vick is a Philadelphia Eagle. The 29 year-old former Atlanta superstar – a three time pro-bowler who at one point was the highest paid athlete in the NFL – was convicted in 2006 of dog fighting charges and sentenced to 23 months in federal prison. Vick served 18 months in prison and was held on home arrest for the remainder of his sentence. Under the guidance of future Hall of Fame coach Tony Dungy, Vick was granted partial reinstatement to the NFL by Commissioner Roger Goodell. All he needed was for a team to sign him, and the Eagles did just that – granting Vick a one year deal worth $1.6 million (none guaranteed).

The news broke Thursday night and immediately forced a Liberty-Bell-sized crack right down the center of the Philly faithful, and Eagles fans quickly lined up in one of two equally narrow-minded camps: The Anti-Vicks and The Vick-o-Philes.

But. . . before any real discussion about Michael Vick can take place, one has to consider exactly what he did to deserve federal sentencing.

Michael Vick committed heinous crimes against innocent animals. He tortured dogs so that they would become hyper-violent and kill one another in organized fights. He allowed people to gamble on these forced skirmishes and turned the dogs’ agony into spectacle to satisfy a depraved bloodthirst. Indeed he profited from death. And as if it couldn’t get worse, he tortured any animal deemed unfit for fighting. These helpless, abused dogs were electrocuted, hung, drowned or shot to death. These actions demonstrate both a sickening tolerance of violence and a complete disregard for the sanctity of life itself. None of that is forgotten…not by dog lovers, not by Eagles fans, not by Andy Reid or Jeffery Lurie, not by Tony Dungy, and, most importantly, not by Michael Vick.

At the Eagles press conference earlier today, Vick stated, “I was wrong for what I did. Everything that happened at that point in time in my life was wrong.” He then added, “For the life of me, to this day I can’t understand why I was involved in such pointless activity.” Are these the words of someone who is truly repentant for what he’s done? Or is this just Vick regurgitating lines that Tony Dungy forced down his throat? Skeptics will claim the latter, but that’s an insult to Dungy. Tony Dungy is not a stupid man. He is not one to be easily manipulated. And if he thought for one second that Vick was taking advantage of him in any way, he would cry “Rat” and refuse to perpetrate the charade any further.

But he didn’t do that.

Dungy stuck his neck out on the line for a young man in need of help. The cynics can say what they want, but Dungy has absolutely nothing to gain from Mike Vick, nothing but the satisfaction that he, as he has already claimed, is merely practicing his Christian ideals in his daily affairs. He is carrying a message of hope and forgiveness to a person in need. Faith without works is dead, and Dungy is keeping his faith alive by working with others. It just so happens that this particular “other” is the most vilified athlete of the 21^stcentury. So regardless of your religious inclinations, you have to give props to Tony Dungy for being one of those rare few men who actually lives up to lofty rhetoric and, no matter how difficult it is, attempts to walk the walk.

Dungy’s influence on Vick is readily apparent. Two years ago Vick pulled one of the most moronic moves you could ever imagine - he tested positive for marijuana during his federal trial. Obviously he wasn’t connecting all the dots between action and consequence. But, afer 23 months of forced self-reflection and two months of one-on-ones with Dungy, Vick sounds a little more mature, “I think as long as you are willing to come back and do it the right way and do the right things and that you're committed, then I think you deserve it. But you only get one shot at a second chance, and I am conscious of that.” (Eagles press conference) These aren’t momentous words, but dare I suggest it sounds like the seeds of reform have been planted in his head? Whether or not he acts accordingly has yet to be seen.

And where will this act play out? That’s right. . .in Philadelphia, the blue collar bastion of Brotherly Love, where fans loves their mothers, their cheesesteaks, and, above all, their Philadelphia Eagles.

How are those fans reacting?

Anti-Vicks

The majority seem to be Anti-Vick, claiming Vick is subhuman and doesn’t deserve a place in the NFL. The radio shows on 610 WIP have been blowing up with phone calls by outraged fans who are appalled by the Eagles’ decision to sign the fallen superstar. The main argument is as follows: It’s a privilege to play in the NFL and Michael Vick gave up that privilege when he committed the pre-mediated murder of dogs, not once but continuously over a period of six years. Whether he’s been rehabilitated or not, these people believe Vick should toil in anonymity the rest of life, forever repenting his mistakes as he bags groceries at the local supermarket. When pressed further on the possibility of personal reinvention and second chances, the anti-Vicks are willing to concede a little, but only if he were to play for a different team. . .

They say send him to Cincinnati where 10 players were arrested 11 different incidents in 2006. The say send him to Dallas where they have a history of protecting players like Michael Irving, who once stabbed a teammate in the neck with a pair of scissors, and Adam Jones, who was responsible for the gunshot wound that paralyzed a nightclub bouncer. They say send him to Minnesota, where he can attend team sex parties on cruise ships staffed with prostitutes. The anti-Vicks say Mike Vick belongs with criminals on a criminal team, not with the highly-vaunted Eagles organization.

Ultimately what these fans are saying is that no matter how many urban youth programs Vick leads along with the Humane Society – raising awareness about animal cruelty and the negative consequences of dog fighting – they will always see him as nothing more than a dog killer, and, more importantly, that the Eagles, by signing Mike Vick, are inadvertently condoning animal cruelty. Invoking such a linear argument is lazy, and, because it’s based on emotion, doesn’t actually make sense. Let me illustrate how simplistic that argument actually is:

Josh Hamilton smoked crack. The Texas Rangers signed Josh Hamilton. Therefore the Texas Rangers condone smoking crack.

C’mon Philly, you’re smarter than that.

Vick-O-Philes

All that said, the people lining up in defense of Michael Vick are equally lazy and perhaps even more misguided the anti-Vicks. The Vick-O-Philes call in to 610 WIP and say how happy they are to have Mike Vick in green and black. These fans think only in terms of football, as if Michael Vick’s ability to score TDs somehow nullifies his reprehensible past. They remember a player who was voted to the pro-bowl three times, a player who averaged 8.45 yards per carry (NFL record), and a player that rushed for 1,039 yards in 2006, the most by a QB in a single season in NFL history. These fans see Vick as that one final piece - the final beguiling threat - that will somehow complete the Eagles explosive offensive juggernaut and propel them past the NFC Championship Game to another shot at Super Bowl glory. And yes, if they were to win that Super Bowl, these depraved fans would wipe the slate clean and act as Mike Vick had never so much as petted a dog. That, Eagles fans, is atrocious.

But, and this is a big but, the Vick-O-Philes do NOT seem to realize that Vick hasn’t played football since 2006, and, by his own admission, isn’t in “football shape”. He isn’t actually eligible to play yet and the earliest the Eagles could see him in uniform is week 6 (October 18^th).

And once he’s in uniform, where will he play?

Quertarback? Kevin Kolb was injured in training camp, but Andy Reid has already gone on record to say that Vick won’t be playing QB. So where does he fit? He certainly won’t line up at TE and fill in for the injured Cornelius Ingram. He’s not a lineman or a long snapper or linebacker. At best, Vick will join the team midseason as a wildcat threat - a million dollar decoy that Marty and Big Red will utilize to confuse any and all opposing defenses. Point being, Vick offers no immediate gain and yet he brings with him an inordinate amount of baggage. Why invite this lighting rod of controversy into the locker room, especially now, especially this season when you’ve lost two of your most influential leaders – B-Dawk and Jim Johnson – two guys whose absence has left a harrowing void in the Eagles inner-sanctum?

So Why?

It’s impossible to know, really, but I think it comes down to two bottom-line answers, one purely business related and one personal.

The NFL is a business, and players are reminded of that all the time. Eagles players are very aware of it – just look at what happened to Lito, B-Dawk, Trot, Hugh Douglas and Sheldon Brown to name a few. In terms of investments, the Eagles are getting one of the most phenomenal athletic specimens of the last decade for the pro-rated cost of a special teams player. Imagine paying Barry Sanders less than Koy Detmer.

From a personal angle, Andy Reid needs to believe in second chances. His family history demands of it him. And like Dungy, Reid is a religious man who uses his role as an NFL coach as an instrument of ministry. He doesn’t recite bible verses at press conferences, but he holds himself to a standard that he believes reflects his ideal. Whether or not that’s appropriate is another discussion entirely. The simple fact here is that Reid sees the potential good Vick can do for their community of Philadelphia, not as a football player, but as an advocate. Vick has the potential to connect with urban youth in a way that few other players can, as his story is singularly horrific. And if Vick fails to live up to that role as advocate, you can bet your ass the Andy Reid will be the first to kick the villain-athlete back out on the street. Say what you will, but Andy Reid is not a moron, and he certainly doesn’t pull punches.

Get to the point, man. . .

In sum, the Eagles are taking a big risk on Vick. They are inviting an unnecessary maelstrom of negativity on themselves, and they don’t even have a set plan for him yet. There’s no telling how he will contribute to the Eagles offense, or if he’ll even help them win any games. And there’s no telling whether or not he will do his part off the field to rectify his image and make amends, as best he can, for his villainous past. Clearly fans don’t owe him anything; if anything he owes the fans. But what the fans owe themselves is a proper discussion about the Vick situation, because simply dividing into two equally narrow-minded camps is a complete and total cop-out. The Mick Vick conversation forces us to examine the relationship between athletes and crime, the democratic ideal of self-improvement, animal cruelty, activism and the role of religion in sports. But maybe it’s easier not to think about those things, and, sadly, most of us (myself included) don’t.